Why?

I wondered why doctors/dentists hav lousy handwriting
and ppl working in the banks all hav round/fat/neat handwriting?
Is handwriting part of the job application criteria? hmmm...

Boxing day

To get into the spirit of boxing day sale, I decided to head into the city

and I found out that :

Boxing day is the day where 50% of Melbourne population is congested in a few km^2 of city blocks. While the roads were pretty much deserted beyond La Trobe st, you couldn't breathe in the city. There simply wasn't enough oxygen per m^2.

I browsed along Bourke st. and then headed for DFO.

Along the way I counted more than 10 Yaris but only one Swift =(

I must say I was quite content with what I have and didnt look to buy anything in particular but after walking around for a few hours, the temptation was difficult to resist.

I did'nt buy anything tho. Having looked at everything yet cos I was too tired of walking.

2 shops asked to look into my bags. Must be my dodgey face.

GUESS won the longest waiting line of all the shops. The line went all the way out of the shop like ppl lining up to go into the club at night with bouncers guarding the door.

Levi won the most trashed up shop. No hope to find the size you want. Just pull out whatever you can see from the mess and hope it fits.

Going to JB HI-FI and Myer made me realised how much we got sucked into luxurious items. New computer. New Mac. New sound systems. New Wii. New iPhone. GPS Nav was on sale too.

Mindgames wasn't on sale.

I didn't know there's a flight simulator at QV

and me saw no boxing today :-S

X'mas

X'mas is an important date for many to look forward to every yr.
but X'mas was never special or hold any significance to me.
As I sit down and think back, I cant exactly recall what I did for X'mas, not even last yr.
Ive spent 3 X'mas away from home including this yr.

X'mas '98 was the first yr I came to study in Aus. I cant remember much except that it was 42 degrees and it was something involving me lying in bed with the fan blowing hot air into my face.
In 1998, it was the first time I woke up at 2pm and I felt so ashamed of myself.
Today I woke up at 3pm but am no longer ashamed. What has happened in 10 yrs?

X'mas '06 I was on Fraser Island but what was I doing is just as vague as any other yrs.
Though maybe, it had something to do with this photo

X'mas is a busy time for family, shopping, celebrating etc
and it makes me wonder why does it seem to be the least busy time of the yr for me.

Going back to the basic of life.
We balance our time up for 4 things: yourself, friends, partner and family

Yourself - Time to work. Time to study. Time to relax and do something u want.
Friends - Keeping up with friend circles. For us uni kids, I find that around Xmas is usually the time to catch up with highschool friends.
Partner - *sigh*
Family - Ideally prob consume most of the time during Xmas. Realistically it never makes a difference to me. In these recent yrs, I find that cousins r moving away overseas. With the passing away of my uncle and grandma, I wonder what it would be like at home this yr.

and there, the answer to my question is so simple.
My family is not here.
GF...not sure I hav one
Most friends are overseas, not that I hav many in the first place. A recent conversation with one of the 2 friends I sorta keep in touch with from Primary school pointed something out. The 3 of us are growing apart. Clearly, we r not even in the same continent anymore. One in Aus. One in UK and one in US.
Myself. The work is there but the motivation isnt immediate. The long list of things to do over the holiday is left on the top of the cabinet, catching dust. I certainly procrastinate in every aspects of my life. Gotta get rid of this habit.

Secret X'mas wish: To spend one Xmas somewhere with snow

I'll always remember...

Trips with my frens usually involve me organising it but this time, I was just on for the ride
so..... not-so-surprisingly, it was one of the most carefree and enjoyable trip in yrs.
No place to be. No schedule to keep up. Nothing to worry about.
Just the smell of the sea, beach, sunshine and the wind going thru ur hair.

When I look back at Torquay '08 I'll always remember....

Pat playing Tetris at the back of his 4WD,
How far Shirley's house was from the city,
Shirley's Jay Chou posters,
The cute little blue Yaris and how it kicked butts,
How Victor cut the line in front of Bunnings guy at Hungry Jack,
How toothpick coffee was better than the coffees I drank during the trip,
1 Aquilla Ave,
How cold the water was,
How I got burnt,
Beautiful girls in mirky brown colour water,
The marinated lamb (with secret ingredient),
Scary black nails,
How Fobs + Fop won and the thing Shirley does after dinner date,
Straights, Flushes, Full houses and nothing,
Cosmo special edition,
Living room couch,

Jumping Tania's and Shirley's bed,

Ice cream with pancakes,
Too many jumping photos,
How we drive to Lorne just for Fish n Chips at Salty dog,
I need massage,
Scary emo ppl,
Booby trap, mad cow and Gracey 11/12,
Creamy shooters and Jager Bombs,
Adventure park and the superb flying fox,
The dishwashing machine,
How the Great wall crumbled,
Mt. Molar,

Team S.Tiff,
How many cans of Redbull and Mother Pat drank (Interestingly, he doesnt drink Superman or V)
How Kelly cant do accounting :P
and...
How hard it was to leave all of that behind...

Girls...

Inspired by Fill My Sorrow, With The Words You Borrowed

Girls sux even though they r smart. Girls act stupid and innocent so teachers feel sori and help them out. Girls shop all day, keep asking me what I think even though they've already made up their minds and they dun buy the thing anyway. Girls dun reply my msg but whine when I dun reply theirs. Girls dun notice my haircut even though its almost a skin head but they get upset if I dun notice their tiny hair trim straight away. Girls r manipulative, scheme and toy with my feeling. Girls r needy and pushy, always wanting things their ways. Girls dun appreciate the things I do for them. Girls call u up for lunch then say they r gonna be late, blaming the traffic and their laziness and in the end, cancel the lunch altogether. Girls keep saying they r f*t when they r not. Girls tell u u look shit and stink everyday. Girls cant get over their bf even though they r unhappy. Girls prob won't forgive me for writing this blog. Girls always win. Girls smile and make me feel all fuzzy and warm. Girls do the things they dun like for me. Girls dress up and put on make-ups for me even though they r already beautiful the way they r. Girls say "keep going" and make me feel like I can do anything. Girls bake cookies and didnt say "no". Girls r nothing like what I expected. Isnt this why I keep coming back for more?

Pandora Box

A Bible or Pandora Box? I questioned myself today

This afternoon I was paid a visit by one of my seniors who recently graduated and is about to move back home.
She gave me a big pile of photocopied books so I was going thru them one by one.
Until I came across the last big black folder sitting innocently at the bottom of the colgate bag.
After I opened up the cover, I soon realised this is the collection of concise written summaries of every disciplines in dentistry throughout the 5 yrs course neatly organised in tabs and although concise, the collection was an inch and a half thick. Sori if I've forgotten to mention that she graduated as the top student in dental science 2008. I was in awe and speechless. The amount of knowledge blinded me. It almost felt like Po when holding a dragon scroll. The notes included summaries from all journals, textbooks and lecs she read. In the next 12 months or so until I graduate, I think that I would struggle to finish reading her summaries alone and the important word to highlight is "summary". Doesn't that kinda hit u in the face and open ur mind to magnitude of what the full content of dental knowledge could be? If this is what it takes to become a dentist then I hardly know enough.
There I wondered...although this thing in my hand is like a Bible of dentistry, its also a Pandora box. Once opened, it revealed to me an awful truth of how ignorant I really am. While she graduated as a dentist, I on the other hand still hold the knowledge of a first yr student compared to her. How sad...

Another mischievous thought came to me.

What if this folder is passed on from generation to generation of students and becomes the legendary ghost book every kids r talking about. The book that holds such power as to grant, when in the right hands, an ability to excel in dentistry. Some say its there but some say it doesnt exist. The book that every good dental students dream about and not-so-smart students cry for...

Tham, Dentistry 1'08

Crazy and still like you

You told me you need time. You told me not to hope or expect.
Yes, we can be frens. I can act like frens but no...
I like you more than just frens. I have to think that way cos the day I stop thinking that way, I'm gonna stop trying and then there won't be us. I just hope...really hope that I can like you long enough for you, to like me and never ever let me let you go.

Maybe cos

How was it?

today was better...definitely better
maybe cos its the different speaker
maybe cos its the second time as opposed to the first
maybe cos its the fresh sunday morning as opposed to the gloomy saturday night

maybe cos I get to see u ...hehehe


*sigh* how can I tell u that I actually meant it...

Msn Quotes

Exam's Quotes 2008

Ligament damage from written exams

Odontogenic pain = Anorectal pain

Biological width: As wide as my attention span

If you are going through hell, keep going - Winston Churchill

What if E has to go?

To the battle field

Won the battle. Losing the war?

Orthodontic Tx with a pen: The Supa's method

Too many bad dreams about Endo and Oral Med

Sleep @ sunrise

When you say nothing at all

Exams -> too much studying -> forget to pay rent -> evicted -> no place to study -> fail exams

Remembered everything but the exam seat number

Praying wouldn't hurt

Only just started cario. Digging myself holes again.

Who cares about public dental health? hmm good question...

What if I...

What if I'm not it?
What if I'm just your distraction?
What if I'll never be
your God's creation?

What if I can't serve?
Would I hold you back?
Would you ever forgive me
for the faith that I lack?

What if I can never believe
all the things he says?
Would that makes me unacceptable
tomorrow and today?

Lonely black rock

How can u mix a black rock into a bowl of white paint?
If its just a drop of black paint then slowly over time, it'll blend into one consistent mixture.
but what about a rock which is black to its core...
u may paint it white but it'll only be white on the outside
u may grind the rock into tiny powders
to the extent that when mixed, the consistency is of a smooth white colour
but then its no longer a rock
How?

what if I'm just a tiny speck of dust......not to the world............nor to the universe........................ but to u

Mocha

Mocha = 1/3 Espresso + 2/3 Milk + Chocolate (cariogenic)
Latte = 1/3 Espresso + 2/3 Milk (anti-cariogenic)

She likes Mocha no sugar
Me like Latte 1 sugar

Guess we r even

Exam 2008

This is the first time I study for exams when I'm not living in college.
Despite the fact that the exams cover the content of this whole yr worth of study and the previous years, so far I find it to be the most productive and enjoyable exams.

I'm not sure what it is..
not distracted by college network?
not distracted by frens?
not distracted by frequent snack times they provided at college?
maybe I actually enjoy the stuffs I study for exams?
maybe its the SMSs?
maybe its cos I finally took my mum advice
that is to study however best suits u
I no longer try to stay up, wake up or feel guilty about it.
I work long night shift between 6pm til 6am so sleeping til 2pm is justisfied
The quicker I stop resisting the better I feel.
I have NEVER slept well or enough b4 exams since I've been in uni...
Its always cramming the last minutes. This time around I wake up b4 2pm and go to exam hall fresh =)

Soooo............

Exam 2008 = 6pm til 6am + me + my notes + orange highlighter + oxford handbook of clinical dent + therapeutic guidelines + generous amount of snacks + SMSs + Norwegian recycling's 'how 6 songs colllide' + 'when u say nothing at all'.
..........surprisingly no coffee

Rainy day

She said rain is good...nice and cool...
I said rain is bad cos I cant ride my bike
but then... I can walk and hold an umbrella for her all day =)

Love burns brighter than sunshine

Love can burns brightly like sunshine

or love can burns in agony.

A burning heart goes out too quickly.

Love should burns slowly and harmlessly

like a tealight,

long enough for me

to learn something about u

and myself

in deeper meanings.

Doesn't matter what we r

Some ppl had been married for over 10 yrs and yet, they divorced
while others never got married but were together, had kids and lived happily ever after.

A wise woman once told me that it's what you do that counts.
Some ppl are together everyday but fail to look after each other, physically and emotionally
while other ppl who dun hav much time make what little time they have together meaningful.

so it doesn't really matter what she thinks of me.
Since the day she baked me cookies, I knew my life werent gonna be the same.
To me, shes a special person.
I'd treat her like one but also give the space she needs.
Although I cant expect things from her cos she may not feel the same way
but I can just give as much as I can and be happy in doing so.

Happiness potion: Expect a little less. Give a little more. Slow but steady, selflessly and pure.

On the plate

Courage means the state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.

I like the definitions there cos I realised that the fear in us has never really gone away.
It's always there. Some days u triumph and some days u regress.
Sometimes u can be courageous...just for a brief moment and that's all that matters.
My fren said that going up to say u like someone is like offering ur heart on the plate to be stabbed

I've never been stabbed cos I never put my heart out there.
I regressed and got used to being disappointed.
Keeps holding on to my heart b4 I get hurt, but I know it slowly bruises
to the point where I'm not sure which is worse, bruising or being stabbed.
My fren also said that noone gets a second stab at her heart.
But for me, if I have to get stabbed once or twice now to get what I never have, then so be it.

Today I found out I lost 2kg.
Giving a piece of urself away sure makes u feel lighter...

A little love

เวลามีเรื่องควรใช้สติอย่าใช้อารมณ์ และเวลาที่เรารักใครต้องเผื่อใจไว้ด้วยและอย่าลืมที่จะรักตัวเองด้วย

รักจากแม่

When there're problems, use senses and reasons, not emotions. When you love someone, never forget to also love yourself.

With love, mum

Mysterious box

First there was a mysterious box

and then there were 5 random objects...Crayon, Bubble thingy, Tealight, Cocktail umbrella and Red ribbon.

and then came the inspirations...

SOFA:

The girl in the pix is Tania Bong who kindly offered me a place to take most of the photos.

NEW GEN:

The pix didnt come out the way I wanted but the idea is there.

LOVE BURNS BRIGHTER THAN SUNSHINE:

Inspired by Aqualung's lyrics. Didn't come out the way I wanted.

How I took the pix? With difficulty.

Isn't it interesting how "Love burns" can hav a positive and a negative meaning?

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:

My favourite idea out of this whole thing. Experimented with the bulb mode.

FOR YOU:

This idea came very late as my original plan was scrapped. Won't explain this pix.

A pix tells a thousand words.

And then there were some other unsubmitted ideas

(Just to clarify that this photo was shot for an artistic purpose only. The content is fictional)

And other by products of this photoholic week...

Check out - http://www.canon.com.au/photo5/

If u just checked out the site, u'll realise i hav no hope.

but if by some unbelievably obscure chance that any of my photos made it to the top 40,

please vote for me :-D

Can I tell you how happy I am?

Perio patient case presentation

My exam was at 4.30pm.
I didn't realised we r not allowed to treat the patient b4 the exam so I booked him in at 2pm .
My patient turn up and told me he couldnt be here until 4pm and left.
The examination supposed to go for 30mins...15mins for the examiners to have a look in the patient's mouth and 15 mins to ask us questions
In the absence of the patient, I got the whole 30 mins worth of questions...whatever it maybe ...related...unrelated
....come in....and lets have a "chat".....they said
It felt like walking through mine fields
It felt like dodging London bombing in WWII
It felt like being Ned Kelly on his final day

Stayed up 2 nights til 4am to write up summary notes for the case but they didnt even take a look.

Despite going thru 30 mins of questions bombardment, I'm still in one piece and happy to say that they didnt ask anything "too" unreasonble.

Again, me being overly whiny...they were nice demonstrators...just that they like to fish (for more questions)

Diagnosis for the day: Moderately Aggressive Periodontists

..

I'm good......full stop
I'll keep saying it until I believe it
cannot......will not let anyone tell me I'm not, especially not the stupid demonstrator.
who r we...if we lose our ways?
who r we...with broken spirits?

My blood for milkshake

After much procrastination I finally went to donate blood for the second time in my life.

My first was back in 2004 after when tsunami hit Thailand's southern west coast.
The experience wasnt so pleasant then cos it took me ages to fill up the bag.
And to my embarassment, it didnt even fill up. The nurse just let me go.
That's prob part of the reason why I havent donate anymore since then.
the other reason being cos I'm lazy

Today I found out a few things

Having an O blood group doesnt mean I can give it to anyone, only O (-ve) can give it to all receipients.
In return, that selfless blood group can only take from their own. :-(
I dunno if I'm O (+ve) or O (-ve) but ill find out in a couple of days.
On the contrary, AB (+ve) is the complete opposite of O (-ve)

















Doing the questionaire was easy. A lot of the questions they asked were the same as what I asked my own patients.

Mrs X: Have you seen a dentist recently?
Me: yes
Mrs X: What did you have done?
Me: oh just a chat with frens.
Mrs X: ......

Mrs X: Have u been in surgery recently?
Me: yes
Mrs X: What did you have the surgery for?
Me: I pulled my patient's teeth out
Mrs X: u idiot

And boy do they ask lotsa sex questions...sex with a female, sex with a male, sex on the tree, sex with the monkey...so on & so on
Oh and Thailand is considerd a HIV country :-)

The chair..... The chair they seated u in was very comfortable.
If I didn't have a needle in my arm, I wouldve fallen asleep
Ahhh the needle...my patients whined bout a tiny 30 gauge needle.
The needle they punctured me with was 16 gauge, roughly bout the size of a Pocky stick if u know what that is.

This time I actually filled up the bag and the phrase "suck you dry" was quite appropriated.
My arm felt cold and really weak I couldnt squeeze the ball they gave me.

Afterwards I got to have refreshments.
Even though they have a list of menu, I just picked milkshake and biscuits.
They took about 450ml of my blood.
They exchanged with milkshake.......not a bad deal

Save some lives...Save the world...............and get milkshake :-D

27/10/08: O(+ve) I am

Coward :-(

A: I'm sorry. Was there something you wanted to say....to anyone here?
B: No, there wasn't
A: Coward
B: shut up

B: you really are the last person who should be giving romantic advices.
A: When I like somebody I make sure they know it. Life is too short to live it any other way.
B: What if he doesn't like me back
A: Then he's an idiot

oh

Invincible

Some days, things just dun go wrong
Its like the horoscope telling u that ull have an awesome day
then u go out to make the most out of it
Sometimes, u just feel...invincible

Complications of the heart

It's said that a heart attack can change a man's life... but a heartache doesn't
we keep going back for more...

there's an objective side of the heart that is a four chambers lump of muscle
and there's a subjective side of the heart that is the container of our soul.

Its funny how a person experiencing a heart attack shows a deterioration in physical health but
can shows a profound positive change in mental health
as u may see that some of these ppl enjoy whats little left of their lives more than us who have 50 yrs ahead of ourselves.
In contrast, a healthy heart tissue in some ppl may not contain a healthy soul.

the more I study about a heart, the less I understand it......scientifically and abstractly

000

ppl dun clean their teeth... why?
and why do they always think we can fix all of their problems?

a number of pt asked me how long should u brush ur teeth for?
and i asked back... how long does it take to wash your shoes?
the simple answer is ...as long as it takes til its clean
time isnt the issue. cleanliness is. they r missing the point

one pt always said "i cant clean. i cant clean. u have to clean for me"
I joked back saying... would u like me to brush ur teeth for u everyday?
he actually said yes. and i said ill do it at the dentist rate.

In the shower one day, I had a thought and this thing came up
Dentists r like firefighters. we do damage control.
which means that the problem has already occured.
even if the fire was put out, ur still gonna be left with a burnt down whatevers left of the house
teeth r no diff. once we cut it, dun expect it to grow back
and the next time u come back, the holes gonna get bigger
if ur serious about keeping ur house/teeth then u'd better do something about it
I dun see ppl calling a firetruck everyday cos like dentistry, its bl**dy expensive

So if u left the gas on everyday, dun expect us to always put the fire out for u

When she cried

when did u last saw someone cried?
me? a very long time (not including myself or those seen on TV)

tears mean a lot of things
tears from me generally mean i'm sleepy
tears from pts generally mean physical pain
we see it everyday. I see it everyday and i thought i've become immuned to it.
but when I saw that tear running down her face, the feeling I've long forgotten revived in me
the inability to breathe as if someone was sitting on my chest
my heart felt heavier
my brain unable to think, flooded with useless emotional action potential firing crap
the weight on my shoulders
and the sympathy I felt
not the oh-poor-you or the fair-enough kinda sympathy but the I-dun-ever-want-to-see-you-cry kinda sympathy
I dun get it a lot but the image of someone close experiencing a genuine emotional pain and being so vulnerable was overwhelming
A hug then seems like a right and also a wrong thing to do.

as much as we like to deny it, the invisible bond between us is there
cant see it but its definitely stronger than SE bond

The law..The wheels..& extra strawberry

Recently, there is a serie of events that occured as I was thinking about them and I thought.....hmm funny

I've been thinking in the clinics for a while now that I had to explain to pts about dental diseases and more often than not, they got lost with my words (seems to have that effect), especially with this perio pt I had. He doesnt have a single clue about teeth but stubbornly said that I havent done my job cos the tooth wasnt healing. Now how am I gonna explain to him the Endo-Perio lesion?

we had a lecture on the jaw joint around last week and the lecturer mentioned about educating pts as a part of ur treatment. He gave an example that its kinda stupid for a pt whos walking in with a jaw joint problem to be constantly chewing gum.
and I thought...why would ppl chew gum? I never had the urge to chew one even if it was offered occasionally by my frens

Lo and behold.... I got a show bag with the dental diseases picture cardboard thingy and a truck load of chewing gums (sugar free of course)
I used the cardboard diagrams that afternoon with the pt and now I'm impulsively chewing gum. (strawberry flavour is pretty good)

While stuck at the traffic light, the thought came to me......maybe I shouldn't be chewing gum while I'm riding a bike (chewing*)... what if i was caught by a surprise...say by a car or something and accidentally swallowed the gum (still chewing*)......I'd be as good as dead (the jaw joint is getting a bit sore now*)

sori to disappoint u but I didnt swallow the gum as I was thinking about it but I pondered.
If u have the gum stuck in ur throat, no amount of CPR is gonna save u. so what can i do?
there has to be an answer to this or the next person I see who swallowed chewing gum is gonna die in a matter of minutes.

even though it may sounds stupid now, I thought I had a solution at the time.
I came up with tracheostomy.
I'd always wanted to do one...u know...poke the biro tube through the cartilage thingy like in the movie.
but then again...would I do that if I see a person needing one.
cos even though they will die anyway without my help, they can conveniently blame that my lousy technique accelerated it.

......"please save my son. he's a good boy. he's only 12. I dunno what i'm gonna do without him....blah blah blah", said the weeping, begging mum
"ok now I'm not confident with this but I might be able to help him"
"anything...plssss...anything at all"
"stand back maam....and watch....a live tracheostomy"
2 mins later --> dead
weeping mum turns into a feisty tigress..."u killed him !!!! I'm gonna sue u !!! "
Its hard to do good deeds sometimes in this world we live in.

This week... a lecture on medico-legal issues. (see what I mean?)
The answer to my puzzle. I dun have any duty of care to that person whatsoever.
There is a good samaritan law that protects me if I decide to help given that I do what I'm comfortable of doing ie. help within my limit of training

so tracheostomy is a no no :-(

Note: Its prob more accurate to describe what I intended to do as cricothyroidotomy rather than tracheostomy

Thank you

I know that being a dentist I probably never will be as appreciated or receive thank you cards/presents from patients as much as my dad who saves ppl from cancer on the daily basis
but todays the first time I've got something from my patient (theres always a first time)...my denture patient...maybe my last denture patient for the rest of the course
The act of giving and words of encouragement meant so much to me emotionally
cos its reminding me that I'm doing goods, I'm doing the right thing and I'm making a difference

and then I find that

patients give presents cos they appreciate your work and whatever uve done was life-changing
In dentistry I only see denture patients do so......
other than that, maybe aesthetic dentistry...like Dr. Terry Wong
but ppl dun give presents for ur fillings or 10yrs worth of monitoring, fluoride and check-ups.

sadly, denture is something we r moving away from...

.

I'm good... full stop
not gonna let anyone tell me otherwise

Religious moment

Regardless of our religious believes,
all dental students pray together in front of the Xray developing machine during endo clinics
5 mins of silence and faith
u cannot continue working, u cannot do anything, u just pray

and hope that after 5 mins when the tiny black thing comes out; there's no underexposure, overexposure, superimposition, elongation, cone cut, underfill, overfill......or missed the tooth altogether......

Don't Look

Don't look cos u wont find it......whatever it is that ur looking for

Patient's phone number...
I swear I wrote it in my record notebook...
when I was calling the patient...
fliping through the pages, over and over and over...couldnt find it
got home and there it was... staring at my face

bloody hell...
one minute, the tooth model was in my hand...the next minute, it was gone
kept looking over the pile of models 2-3 times...couldnt find it

Went back at the end of the day
there it was, in the very same pile I looked for ealier
5 minutes after I found my model, I lost my Listerine pen

couldnt do anything right today

A nice quote from Dr. John Matthews (ADA President)
"I hope that by the end of these 5 years, u'll realise . If u do it for the money, u wont' last. u'll find that u'll burn out pretty quickly....... u have to believe that ur doing something good"

Arms and Legs

I once again wish for my dream lost-property-locating device
If the bike wheels are my legs and badminton rackets are my arms, then I'm an amputee today

The loss of my two Nanospeed 7000, together with my badminton membership came to me as a terrible shock this afternoon...no warning
I have totally no account of what happened to it since the last time I used it, which was last saturday....obviously cos its not something I would notice on a daily basis
but somewhere between the badminton court, safeway and my house, the rackets had gone walk-about

Apart from eating, sleeping and procrastinating, the next closest thing to a routine is playing badminton on the weekend.
Now that it has gone I have no idea what I'm gonna do. I feel like a half broken man

I've gone thru the 5 stages of grief
Denial - I was in denial, frantically searching around the house 3 times and at safeway and at the badminton court. I was looking for it in the toilet. Any sane person would surely call me stupid
Anger - angry, I was, for being so careless and took it for granted
Bargaining - I secretly wished that if the rackets turn up, I would stop youtubing and study hard for the rest of the night (which I know doesnt sound like much...im not good at bargaining)
Depression....what can I say
and Acceptance...

In times like these, I know what my mum would say
she would tell me to do what I found to be the hardest thing to do which is letting go.
but the faster I accept that the better off Ill be
cos as expensive as it maybe, its merely an object which is replaceable

looking on the bright side, I left my melb uni badminton club membership and the sport centre swipe card with the rackets.
A half decent person who picked it up would prob know where to return it to....*fingers crossed*

Only sympathy

As rewarding as treating emergency pts may be,
its never fun to treat pts presenting with pain... especially when u caused it

10 yrs from now... long into my career, I prob will never forget this patient I hav
she was the first patient I treated since 2nd yr
and in the 2 yrs Ive seen her, her mouth is almost a living proof of all my mistakes, my clinical incompetence...a reminder to myself to do better next time
In a way, I really owe her my career given that ive tried just about all treatment types ive ever learnt on her

Since the 2nd yr, I scaled and root planed her teeth for over a yr
when I learnt about root caries, there she was...my first clinical case of sort
when I learnt of patients with hyposalivation, she was one...always was one... I was just too dumb to recognised it in the 2nd yr when I first saw her
she was the first patient who seriously challenged my operative skill
one poorly accessed, packed and marginalised filling after another followed by a root canal treatment because of my failed interventions
I prob will make a crown or extract her tooth some times in the near future too...perhaps making her a denture

My perio treatment didnt 'heal' and she came back with root caries
I learnt then that I shouldve applied fluoride after root planning
The root caries were the deepest I'd ever attempted to fill. I couldnt isolate, or fill the tooth well
my second attempt failed just as miserably.
I learnt then how to adapt the matrix band well and the method of packing GIC
She was still in pain because the fillings were very close to the pulp
In the end, I had to take the pulp out and wasted all the treatments I tried before hand
In the process, I perforated the root and learnt once again how to refine my endo access preparation

I had an argument with the demonstrator over the treatment option and was really annoyed The tooth had no long term prognosis. I couldnt make a crown for her even if root canal treatment was successful.
I tried filling it 3 times, I knew how far down the margin of the tooth was.
If I took the tooth out, the gum condition of the surrounding teeth may improve as well as her cleaning. The demonstrator told me to keep it.
This situation is classic. Never root canal treated the tooth that cannot be restored.

Prof Morgan's lecture this week really put a lot of things in perspective too.
In public dental health, we are concentrating on treating the population and not the individuals. we cant afford luxuries in public health and should be spending time treating patients to an acceptable level of dental health instead of wasting money, time and resources on teeth with hopeless prognosis.

If Dr. Stacey reviewed this patient in the final year case presentation, I will never be qualified as a dentist.
This patient is a classic example of what not to do in term of treatment planning.
-A patient with poor oral hygiene but has a mouth full of root filled teeth which prob will fall out in a yr or so

Just last week, I filled another tooth with root caries. I told her that the radiographic evidence showed that there was a decay underneath the filling.
Though I thought I did a good fill on that tooth, she called up this week with severe radiating pain coming from that tooth and a facial swelling.
The pulp was taken out in primary care. Again, this raised a question whether I should've filled it.
The patient was asymptomatic. Most patients would not be happy if they get pain after the dentist intervened with the tooth which was initially fine.
By leaving the tooth in a diseased but asymptomatic state, we may be able to buy more time for the tooth, maybe for a better restorative technology......who knows

I learnt... not to let these things bother me...
cos theres nothing to be sori for
cos I still believe that clinically it was the right thing to do...to attempt a fill

so...No regret, only sympathy

07-08-08 : I was right. The tooth prognosis was poor but who wouldve imagined it giving away so soon. The patient came back with fractured fillings all around the tooth. It has been extracted today.

Illusion

Had one of the best dreams today
pictures of me. pictures of you.
As wishful as I may be,
sadly it'll never come true

Pause away

Today, us dental students were given a talk on the topic of communication by an external speaker

The key idea for the seminar was to "pause and relax"
She said that the occasional pauses allow us to think about what we are about to say
and at the same time, consider what others were saying. This trains us to be mindful, to be patient and good listeners

We started off the exercise by meditating for several minutes
The speaker guided our thoughts using the sound of a bell and her descriptive instructions which overall, was pretty much like being hypnotised
Once my body was relaxed, two immediate effects were apparent.
I felt sleepy and I also felt like farting

We then continued to the next activity which was kinda like speed dating
We engaged in a conversation with another fren whom we don't know very well...
of course, since this was about "pause and relax"
there were breaks in between, marked by the bell sound

some findings:
- in our needs to fill the silence, we tend to talk a lot of junks and unnecessary stuffs out of habits
- we are all eager to get into a conversation, to have control of the conversation, to impress and to project ourselves in a certain way
- i'm normally quiet but when Im saying something, I usually have a lot to say
- its frustrating when i dun get to say all i want to say. this blog is a good example. whats left in my head goes in the bin.
- conversation provokes thoughts which allow the conversation to continue. unfortuanately the thoughts provoked were usually about ourselves rather than interests in others. we then go on to talk about ourselves rather than asking or elaborating what the other person just said.
- when I paused, my brain also paused. there were no thoughts nor considerations whatsoever. Just pure blankness and awkwardness. when we pause, its often interpreted as a signal for others to say something even though they dun hav anything to say.
- therefore i think slowing down works better than pausing.

Towards the end of the session, my fren asked a question which made me realise
When the speaker herself was giving the talk earlier on in the session, she actually paused quite frequently

...No wonder I felt asleep

PS. "Be mindful of your thoughts..." - Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the clones, LucasFilm Ltd 2002)

พระเอก

ดูละครมาหลายเรื่องแล้วรู้สึกน่ารำคาญ
มีแต่คนมาชอบพระเอก นางเอก อยู่นั่นแหล่ะ
แล้วก็เข้าใจผิดกันไป เข้าใจผิดกันมา
เห็นแล้วก็ขอเป็นพระรองดีกว่า ดูชีวิตมีความสุข เรียบง่ายกว่าเยอะ
แล้วก็ไม่ใช่ว่าแฟนพระรองจะไม่สวย คนอื่นตามันถั่วเอง... เฮ้อ...

The 4th pothole

Through iron core and butter field, he drilled
In search of a map...in search of thrill
Through the mine field, he dug around
One..two..three....four potholes he found
But his mind was only playing tricks
There's no DP canal in 26
Too soon to celebrate, he realised
It was a perforation in disguise

สิ่งตรงข้าม

สิ่งตรงข้ามกับ..."รัก"... ไม่ใช่... "เกลียด"...แต่เป็น... "เฉยเฉย"

sms

Been deleting msg from my inbox and it saddened me how time flies
every times i sit back and clear the inbox, its like replaying my life in the past month/few months

clearly, its been too long since I last played games...

happened over a month ago
- the soccer game and dinner with dent frens
- the last time I got together with Thai frens
- some med frens left for home
- the passing of my club committee's term and the messy paper work

I saw a msg for dinner at fren's place around swot vac time...
they were so stressed
now they've finished and gone home and what have I done?...nothing worthwhile

The month of June has passed...I didnt monitored my mood... cos i thought the graph would be too unrealisitcally positive
as it turned out, prob more like a crater...with Po standing on a tiny spike in the middle of it

Extinction

Yesterday was the first time I had Starbucks coffee and a good long afternoon coffee chat
Went there with 2 frens to celebrate finishing exams (why was i there then?) and really...it was more of a get-together to plan out her post exam activities for the next couple of days
Had a "meaningful" conversation there (for 3 hrs) which I now cant remember much (only remember the useless bits)
but heres a piece of it

A: man Im 22 already but I still feel so young
B: what do u mean "young"?
A: as in I dun feel like Im 22 yet
C: me too...still feeling so immature...
A: I bet that within 5 yrs, at least one of our frens wouldve gotten married
C: That would be 27 yrs old. Isn't that a bit early?
B: nah... thats about right...
C: I cant imagine myself getting married then
A: well u dun have to worry...ur a guy...u can get married when ur older
B: like a 30 yrs old marrying a 25 yrs old girl or something
C: arrhh but Im immature though. I need to get a mature gf
A: hehe mature girls dun go for immature guys
C: really?!@#*@ what would immature guys normally do then?
A: they go for younger girls like those bimbos who r even more immature than themselves
C: s**t
B: or theyll have to be really rich or really good looking
C: s**t ...what would ugly, immature and poor guys do then?
A: they go extinct
C: oh

my fren, she concluded that I should marry a rich girl

Moral of the story: Life always has solutions

What to say

Depressed in a non-depressing kinda way
Dun have exams but ve got assignments.
While everyone else are finishing up exams, I have yet to begin my work

Haven't been sleeping well. my bodyclock is screwed
sleep at 7am wake up at 7pm.
sleep at 7pm wake up at 3am
sleep at 10.30am wake up at 5pm
kept waking up every 2-3 hours
14 hrs stretch but Im still tired
My life lacks vitamin D of late

Badminton sux. or rather... I sux
Euro'08, every teams I went for...lost (plss gimme decent teams to watch in the final)
Kung fu panda has been the biggest plus in my life this last week which is sad
The pursuit of happiness inspired me for 30 mins after which I felt asleep having read 3 pages of journal paper
Maybe I should go make special tray just to make myself feel better again
which now reminds me that my last denture got rejected
Now that's sad too

A guide to understanding the previous blog, maybe

Pharmacology - a study discipline to do with drugs
Paracetamol - a drug for pain relief (commonly known as panadol)
Amoxycillin - a commonly used penicillin (kills bacteria)
Triamcinolone Acetonide - forget the name. its just a paste u put at the site of ulcer. helps heal it
Histamine - a substance produced by the body to fight off external assault. can cause blocked nose due to increasing amount mucous (clear coloured fluid) released
Bioavailability - how much drug is actually absorbed by the body and takes effect
Psychoactive - affect the brain basically
Nerd - a person who understands the previous blog

now that I've looked at it again. u wouldnt understand most of the words anyway even if I tried to explain them. maybe thats why health professionals get paid so much

PS. ur either a nerd or ur not
PSS. Just watched 'Definitely, Maybe'... good movie

In possession of banned drugs

If u dun understand this blog, take comfort in knowing that ur not a nerd*

While reading my 2007 Oral and Dental Therapeutics guideline, it drew on my curiosity of all the medications I hav in my cupboard. See...being a kid with a doctor as parent, I get medicine from dad whenever I'm sick and I just take for granted that hes doing the right thing.

But I'm a soon-to-be health professional and I should do better than just taking my dad's words for it.
so I had a look in my medi stash I brought from Thailand. There are...

1) Tylenol, which is a brandname for 500g paracetamol in Thailand (prob imported from US or something)
2) Cavumox, (500g amoxycillin + 125g clavulanic acid)
3) Buscopan 10mg for relief of abdominal pain/spasm
4) Travacalm (Hyoscine HCl 300mcg)...the med i bought b4 I went scuba diving (prevent car/seasickness) which essentially does the same thing as Buscopan in a much lower dose
5) Triamcinolone Acetonide in Orabase 0.1% for my occasional ulcer I used to get frequently but not so much now. Its interesting that I've been learning about this drug without knowing that Ive been using one all along

and
3 medications which aim to do the same thing (nasal decongestant)...Cetrizet, Sudafed PE and Actifed

Cetrizet (Cetirizine 10mg) is an antihistamine, blocking H1 receptor

Sudafed PE (Phenylephrine HCl 10mg) - selective a-adrenoreceptor agonist. constrict blood vessel and therefore less leak + nasal secretion.

Lastly, Actifed (Pseudoephedrine HCl 60mg) - a drug that is now replaced by phenylephrine. It stimulates NA release which acts at the a-adrenoreceptor like phenylephrine except that its not a-receptor specific, therefore it tends to hav more side effects eg. drowsiness. My dad recommended this drug cos its more potent than phenylephrine. The reason being, Phenylephrine is metabolised by MAO in GIT and Liver which significantly reduces its bioavailability. While Wiki-ing online, I found out that pseudoephedrine is a precursor for methamphetamine (a psychoactive substance that is often abused and sometimes referred to as speed) and hence the reason it has been taken off the counter in many countries. In Australia 2007, Gov is considering banning all products containing Pseudoephedrine.

And here it is, sitting in my cupboard so innocently

The May Project

Life has been stressful this yr, and after my occasional down times, I decided to monitor my daily mood for 1 month to see whether there is a pattern to it.

heres the graph

From the data, I couldn't come into any conclusion regarding the pattern

Even weekends varied from each other depending on whether I did anything productive.

When looking at the date individually, I'm largely affected by the days with clinics and the mood could spike either way

Lastly I need to come up with a better way to analyse this cos what I found out was...

that life is the sum of glorious and disappointing moments

At the end of the day, its very hard to assess my mood with extremely shit morning and an inspirational afternoon. Do I give an ok for that day?

There is no pattern. Mood fluctuated a lot so I dun tend to stay depressed for long which is a ++

It's magic

It was....
the great simplicity of Wes Brown,
the leadership of Ferdinand,
the persistence of Hargreaves,
the courage of Anderson,
the composure of Giggs,
the goal from Ronaldo,
the spirit of Tevez,
the save from Van der sar,
Drogba's red card from Vidic,
and the magic of the post + crossbar + John Terry

Fare evasion

U can say whatever u want but in the end, dentistry is still a business. Dentists still need to pay bills and kids' school fees.

So when patients come in, we normally inform them of the cost and ask them to pay on the day.
Of course sometimes u get dodgy ppl coming in, getting work done then say eg. they forgot their wallet in the car and so on so on...then never come back to pay

Interestingly this is how some dentists dealt with it
The dentist numbed the patient up with LA and then asked the patient to go get money before any treatment was carried out. If they run away, u only lose one LA. Save urself some trouble.

Imagine me saying this to patients...

"......Mr. X I'll make u a deal. I'll give u LA for FREE and let u go back to grab ur wallet. This LA is like a 2hrs tram ticket so please come back to see me before it expires......"

Fare evasion is the same, be it Tram or dental work, except while u may get away with not having tram ticket, dental consequence is instant and guaranteed at the moment LA wears off.

The Choice

The other day I had a thought and realised that I'm close to being in clinics for 2 yrs already, given that the current 2nd are going into clinics now.
In my experience, I has gone through a fair share of decent and difficult pt.
Today I treated my first primary care pt and I really felt rewarded to give someone emergency pain relief. On top of that, it was the most decent cavity prep I did all semester.
In the afternoon though, was... somewhat a contrast to a perfect morning
Have u ever called anyone and got yelled at non-stop for 10 mins? How about that...twice?
That was my pt and today I thought I have had enough
so I gave my pt a good chat

"......I would like to talk to u for the next 5 mins and I want u to listen to me without interrupting. Is that ok with u?

I feel that you are unhappy with what I’m doing and you feel that I’m wasting your time.
Maybe because it takes longer in a public hospital or you have been frustrated with your previous dental experience elsewhere

But this is what I do. I look in your mouth. I found out what is the problem and I’m trying to fix it. You have what is called a chronic periodontitis. The accumulated harden plaque over many years caused the gum to inflame and the gum pocket depth to increase. This is where the bleeding comes from. Like I said to you before, the tooth doesn’t bleed. The gum bleeds.

What I did was going around the tooth and cleaned it all up. The demonstrator made an extra effort to make sure I did a thorough job during the last appointment.

I had the instrument in your mouth for over an hour last time. You, out of all the people should have realised I was cleaning the tooth you asked me to.

We did warn you that the tooth may not recover because it has been left in a bad condition for many years. You think that you have a strong tooth. To a certain extent I do agree that you have been able to keep it up until now but it is not healthy.
The gum pocket in a healthy mouth is 1-2mm. Yours is 20+mm. There is almost no bone support left on the tooth. I want your wife to have a look that I’m not lying to you.
Sometimes the treatment doesn’t work out the way you wanted. I’m a dentist, not a miracle worker.

Now I know that you are obviously unhappy and that makes me unhappy having to listen to you. I can assure you that I did my best but you felt that my best isn’t good enough for you. So I don’t think I would be able to help you any further. Now it’s time for you to decide.
I have 2 options for you
1) You continue with the treatment I’m proposing or
2) I can refer you to a 5th yr student or a specialist (with small amount of fee). I can tell you now that they both would be picking up the same scaler and do exactly the same thing as I did but maybe they can do a better job

If you want me to refer, your name will be put on the waiting list but if you want to continue with my treatment, you have to accept that the treatment may not goes as how you would like it to be......."

OMG

OMG OMG OMG !!!!!!

Today marked the first day the do-it-in-ur-time 60 MCQ test becomes available online
60 MCQ on oral medicine to be done in 60 mins
It'll be online for a week but we only get one chance to do it
I couldnt believed I got sucked in by Prof McCullough
He said "Do it here (com lab) today at 5 pm and get it out of the way. Plus u avoid having ur com froze up at midnight sometimes next sunday or have problem with slow internet connection speed"

OMG OMG
At 5pm I started the test...2 mins later, the com lab guy came to kick me out
I was on question 4...arghhhhhhh
How could I forget that the lab closes at 5pm everyday???
and what troubled me more than my maximum-score-of-10 test result (ya, I randomly clicked the next 6 questions) was Prof McCullough
Did he just plainly forget like I did? or was he saying it as a joke and I was the only one who didnt get it?

OMG OMG OMG
hopefully he'll reset the test for me...dun wanna fail 4th yr just yet

Sunday

This morning I woke up at 8am for the first time on sunday, hoping to make up for the lack of day time yesterday when I woke up at 5pm.
I had a plan to go for a grand food shopping since the supply in the house was totally exhausted.
8am was cold. It just finished raining and the forecast said there will be a few showers today.
I hate rain when I'm cycling.
The sky was cloudy and I longed for some Vitamin D.
The thought of warmth underneath my doona felt strangely comforting given I had just a bit less than 4 hrs of sleep
But I promised to get out and do some shopping today
So I made a deal that if it doesnt rain again by the time I finished my bacon and egg + shower then I'll go out.
It didnt...
As I cycled out, the sky cleared. The road was empty and the morning air was very refreshing.
For the first time, I got to vic market at the opening time rather than the closing time
I got the first pick of all the meat and vegetable rather than the left over/half price stuffs (not that I know how to pick the good slice of meat)
Met a fren and went to buy stuffs at Laguna in QV and also dropped by at Mindgames
Frens wanted lunch at Hungry Jacks but I didnt get anything
Played badminton for a couple of games
All in all... a good day

Things I learnt
- A particular fren of mine is also into boardgames
- "There are things in life which seemed like a good idea at times but u regret doing it afterwards" eg. eating burgers
- If u dun give something a chance, u may regret not knowing what it wouldve been like
(referring to me getting outside today)

PS. dun u find the last 2 points contradicting?

Premier League Drama

As per usual on a sunday night trying to cram some work b4 the next week starts, I proscrastinated.
Browsing through soccernet.com has never intrigued me as much as it did tonight for I witnessed an incredible english soccer drama in front of computer screen on what its called a Premier League D-Day...no visual...no sound...just some random narrator's frequent comments (which I found funny at times)

While there was a prestigious battle of Man U and Chelsea fighting for the crown; Fulham, Reading and Birmingham were going all out to stay in the league next season

Man U was sitting on 84 pt, equaled to Chelsea. They needed a win to secure the cup or anything that basically matches Chelsea, a draw for a draw or a lost for a lost but u know how Chelsea stat goes at Stamford Bridge.

Fulham, Reading and Birmingham were on 33, 33, 32 pt respectively with Fulham a few goal diff ahead of Reading

I started following the log at half time. To my comfort, Man U was leading 1-0 from Ronaldo's penalty and John Terry got injured which is a ++ for Champions League
but hey... things didnt look too good at times...Scholes with near chance of getting sent off and more shots firing at United's net in first half and u know how Man U normally reacts to that...Rio do stupid moves, Brown gives away penalty, Vidic forgets to mark someone...something of that sort (Evra is alright...hes cool)

Second half went better for Man U, increasing their ball possession to 66% and fired crap load of shots in the middle of the game.
Wigan's boys picked up more yellow cards and Fergie secured 11 players by subbing Schole off for Hargreaves which was relieving.
Giggs also came on for his record 758 appearances for Man U (equals to #1 Sir Bobby Charlton)

62 mins...Shevchenko scored... what a pest...I hate Ballack and Shevchenko so much. They just keep coming back to haunt Man U lately
See things can go either way now

On the sideline, Man city match kept feeding comments through...goal...goal...goal...goal......goal again.
Man City just got totally pawned. The commentator said "byebye Eriksson"
I realised later that they were running on 10 players. Poor them but they did managed to score 1 around finishing time to the commentator's "only 6 more". They finished 1-8

In the mean time, Giggs scored in his milestone match to secure the win and the cup... byebye Chelsea
I clicked to the main page. The headline was Shevchenko scoring and making a winning face...poor him didnt know what was coming.
To add to the victory, Chelsea score got levelled (GG) by Bolton in injury time...
Chelsea and Premier league cup...just wasnt meant to be

On the other side of the ladder, Reading and Birmingham blasted their opponents 3 or 4 goals each but it was all useless when Fulham scored a late goal to win 1-0 and stayed out of the bottom 3 on goal difference too

Liverpool and Arsenal won...insignificant

Moral of the story: Good guys win. Champions win more

Softie or Cold hearted

When seeing me in the clinics, a lot of my frens think that I'm confident (at times) or overly stressed (at times)
For the most parts, I'm not really as stressed as ppl made it out to be.
Apart from the fact that clinics IS a more stressful environment (for us students who dun know what we're doing), that's just how I am when I dun smile.
Do u realise that when I'm not smiling I have a naturally sad/stressful/life-is-shit face ?(which I can also explain in terms of occlusion but I won't bore u with it) and its pretty damn hard to smile 24 hrs a day...so u get a lot of the non-smiling bits from me
In the clinics, I talk less, being more careful of what I'm saying in front of/behind pt and all
Wearing the mask didn't help. While my mouth was screaming "shittttt...pulpal exposure" silently, my eyes didnt give away much. All pt got was a blank look from me
I think it's part of the professionalism that has been taught/expected of us to behave in such a way
Interestingly I find that when seeing pt, students who put on a serious look may be viewed by patients as being more competent.
By that I mean. When we are being professional... not getting emotionally involved.... calm... we tend to talk less and just do our work. pt see that as a sign of confidence (being in control) and do respect us for it

but then again, lecturers do ram the concept of "communications" and "building up rapport" into our heads week in week out
Looking at my frens who talk a lot, pt do feel more comfortable around them but I feel that pt dun take those students as seriously and treat them more like kids.

Is pt's confidence in our skills or rapport more important?
Should I put on the face or talk more?

Back to the basics

While we are learning and achieving many complex things, we are forgetting the basics (or the common sense stuffs) which at the end of the day, come back and bite us in the back

-Learnt to do PFM crown prep, Gold crown prep, All ceramic crown prep, Veneer, Onlays and so on so on, yet still forgetting to turn on the suction everytime and wet my gown

-Learnt to master wax work and making dentures but kept losing the teeth
I lost a premolar yesterday. Today I lost a molar and found the lost premolar which I 've already replaced from yesterday. Always keep small things where u wouldn't lose it....stick it to the wax or something

-Learnt to treat patients but dun write up records properly...useless

We knew all about it yet we overlooked it and dismissed it as something unimportant. Mistakes are mistakes, be it simple or complex

On a random note:
My palm cramped after scaling yesterday...kept rubbing it
Today my calf cramped while sleeping... reminded me how painful a cramp is...wanted to bite my own finger
and I was just learning about acute pain in the lecture today...typical response