When I noticed you...

When I noticed you, I thought you looked like someone else I knew. I looked at your name and even though I was wrong, it was the first thing I knew about you.

I often saw you in pros lab. When I noticed you, I couldn’t stop looking at you. You’ve got a heart-shaped face with short dark hair, big bright eyes and a cold stare. I thought you were boyish because of the way you walked and talked. Your voice is soft and calming. I thought you were shy and reserved. You never laugh and rarely smile but when you did, it was the prettiest smile I'd seen. When I noticed you, I no longer dare to look at you. I realised I really like you but couldn’t remember since when.

Once, you walked in while I was doing lab work. When I noticed you, my heart beat 2 steps faster. My eyes stared at my wax work but my mind drifted to you. You got up and left and I cursed myself for being an idiot. From then on, I kept going to the lab until I had nothing to do. Greg got sick of me and my friends thought I lived there. I became a pros-nut because of you but you didn’t come any more.

Post-ball, I saw your pictures. When I noticed you went to the ball, I wanted to kick myself for not going. I always see you in the cream-coloured jacket and black pants. In your black dress that night, I thought I had never seen you prettier.

13th September was the first day you talked to me. When I noticed you beside the filing cabinet, the words escaped me. I asked “what’s the date today?” even though I had a watch. You didn’t smile but looked back blankly and said “13th” then walked away.

In the afternoon clinic, one 36 chair was next to 47. When I noticed you taking the chair beside me, I felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Even though I knew the answers, I asked you random questions anyway. I didn’t listen to a single word you said because all I could really hear was your voice, echoing meaninglessly in my head. I finished GP early but I hanged around for a chance to see you. You said “You stay in the lab too much”. I can’t remember words I mumbled but how flattered I was that you recognised me at all.

Coming down to the first floor lab, I was seeing a demonstrator for TP help. When I noticed you by the stairs, I realised that a surprise is the most pleasant because it wasn’t planned.

The end was near, urging me to do something. I waited for an hour but it was all worth it just to have a few words with you. When you gave me your email, my heart was filled with indescribable feelings. The next thing I knew I was outside the hospital, going home. When I noticed you walking home with that guy, I questioned myself why must bad news always come after good news.

Do you give up? Is it time to let go? These days, when I noticed you, I felt like a kid who doesn’t get what he wants. Would you choose to be away or close to the person you know you cannot be with? I felt hopeless, knowing that soon I may never see you again. Someone told me that some people are coming into your life destined to leave it. I just wish it wasn’t you.

One afternoon, annoyingly I missed the lift but when I noticed you also waiting for the lift, it made me realised that not getting what you want isn’t always a bad thing and that life seems to throw you pleasant surprises when you are least expected. I still couldn’t let go. I was never good at it.

Glancing at you from across the room, I wondered why, why...and why...... I didn’t notice you any sooner...