Failing still isnt an option

Yesterday I was talked down to ... and in all honesty, I had nothing to say in my defence
If anything, I was disappointed at myself
She was my first but I failed her
The time spent over a yr and a half with me went to waste

Yesterday I reviewed my patient on the work Ive done on her
After over 18 months, her gum problem got even worse than when I first saw her
Now clearly on the Bitewings, I saw 2 massive root caries
Interestingly I just learnt about root caries a few days ago
She was a 2nd yr patient when I was in second yr
Now shes prob classified as a 4th yr patient...funny I'm in 4th yr now too
Nothing to be proud of
The sign that my treatment failed and personally, I failed as a dentist

"Whats her medical history?"
"no medical history of concern, is it?"
"astma? not recently? how recent? ur recent or my recent?"
"Aropax? what is it for? what type is it? u better go look it up"
"wheres the plaque index? I thought u said u did a full examination"
"when was the last time u took a plaque index? thats score was too high"
"that 9mm pocket is actually a 7. That 16D is 6mm"
"two hugh root caries. what does that mean? oral hygience is s**t!!"
"treat this patient as a new case. start all over again"
......utterly humiliated

Incompetent I was ...and maybe still am
Lousy work is like a time bomb, slowing ticking
Bad record keeping comes back and bites u hard...in the butt
Crappy baseline measurement will haunt u for the rest of ur career

On the bright side, I may have 2 more fillings to do and possibly 2 RCT
I really have no shame

Some day... some day I'll be one awesome dentist
Failing still isnt an option

My Thought Recycling Bin

I have this blog for roughly about 3 yrs now (through MSN space, Live Journal and currently Blogspot) and I guess I've never really explained why its called 'My Thought Recycling bin'
I started blogging in first yr uni cos it was the hype about having msn space
everybody had one so I wanted one too
It didnt take very long until I was too lazy to write anything

At one time, one of my frens pointed out why she blogs
she said that its a way of letting ppl know whats important in ur life and what have u been up to... to fill in the time gap when ur away from ur frens

I agreed with her but more importantly, I blog for myself
It gave me a surprise every times someone said "I've never seen u angry before"
bcos I'm one angry kid... at least I think its the case
I get frustrated and stressed quite easily and like what girls would do (as some may say), I often act emotionally
Anger comes easily...sometimes I really do like punching some ppl cos at times, I think they deserve it.
but I've never really been in a fight since my childhood cos the little 'sensible' part I hav always tells me that the consequence was never worth it, be it broken hands, getting expelled or whatnot
and so i appear soft
Someone suggested "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will not" but I have to say that sometimes its very testing not to punch someone after what they said to u
Like many other normal ppl, I do write as an outlet to my un-happiness
I flush the junk in my head into this 'bin'
Doesn't always fix the problem but it does help
The reason why it's a 'recycling' bin is bcos I do come back and read it again.
Reminding myself of what i did, how i felt at times and compare that to what i feel now
Its like looking at urself from a third person perspective. Something I used to feel fussy about turns out not to matter much at all
but writing that blog at the times helped me controlling myself, saving me from doing something i'll regret
Dun hav parents to look out for me anymore so have to start doing that for myself
Recently, life has been stressful in general
on a few occasions, I've become a bit 'screw-loose'
I guess I didnt have my bin nearby and the frustration was a bit overwhelming
my frens said "I've never seen u so upset like this morning before"

never? I wanted to laugh...she obviously doesnt know me well enough

Boardgames Buying List

(in order of preference)

1) Puerto Rico
2) Settlers of Catan
3) Ticket to Ride: Marklin
4) Carcassonne expansions

Supa's postulate to a good clinical life

If 4 aetiolgy to dental caries are Host, Bacteria, Diet and Time,
Then 4 "aetiology" to a good clinical life are urself, patient, demonstrator and nurses

Of course u urself hav to be in good shape in the first place
Forgeting to book the interpreter or being stoned/exhausted from the previous night activities (boardgames...dun think too much) isnt a good foundation to an enjoyable clinical session

Patients...afterall, they are who we treat
Difficult patient makes ur life hell and it might not even be intentional
some patients r just plain trouble...overly complain which leads to difficult diagnosis...always late...acted like my grandma owes them a favor or something...ungrateful
Unintentionally, their mouth can just be difficult to work on...small mouth...cheeky...very strong tongue thrust etc...
Today I scaled 2 patients...in the morning, i barely got 10 or so teeth done in 2hrs but in the afternoon i got 2 full quadrants ultrasonic and scaled in just over an hr
The second patient has easier teeth to work and very tolerant (doing subgingival scaling w/o LA). He responded to my initial OHI too, so didnt hav to clean as much plaque off

Demonstrator
They r ppl who tell u what u can or cant do
Some demos r surprisingly effective. Those ones will push u to ur limit. Those ones will make u a good dentist.
Those ones talk concisely and let u get on with ur work.
Those ones treat u like colleagues and those ones are respected
Lousy ones, ur better off not having one...fricking waste ur time
OMG...Today was the first time I almost cracked at the demostrator
I dunno what he has against me. Every time i stood and waited for him, he always go help ppl who came behind me first...every single time...then whats the fricking line for??
"ladys first"???...my ass... u go tell that to my patient who spent half an hr waiting
Its not fair for me nor my patient... is my patient less of a human than other ppl there???
hah!! and the first thing he said when he came over to my bay
"u dun bend co/cr denture with pliers"... and the idiot didnt even look at the denture first
I was bending stainless steel wire on the denture...
always talk too much...no useful comment...
Didnt come or help the whole session and had the nerve to say "where hav u been all morning"
I shouldve finished treating my patient today...in the end I barely got scaling done
Ok...sori...I needed to channel out my anger...almost smacked him today
anyway, I much prefer having Dr.Stacey or Dr.Hopcraft than this stupid idiot

And last but not least, dental nurses
u cannot underestimate the importance of having a well-trained nurse
The good ones r like extensions of ur body... significantly reduce ur working time
The lousy one slows u down, annoys the patient and me
How can they let water pooled all over the patient's mouth with highspeed suction in their hand???
Lousy nurses chat non-stop when my bay needs change-over
Lousy nurses always chart ur examination wrong...
For nurses, some ppl may say otherwise but my general rule is, the older the better

Call me crazy

Just when u thought ur happy and perfectly normal, theres this annoying feeling that keeps coming back to remind that theres something a bit funny/crazy about u

My dent frens may say that its an intermittent condition which is aggrevated by events when i lose objects I'd come to feel attached to

Yesterday i lost a pen...A PEN!!! Its not like i dun hav any other pens. i just like that particular one so much its obsessive. I had it around my neck pretty much the whole week...if ppl noticed. I couldnt rememeber how i got it but it was the best pen i'd used in a long while, even better than my other $30-$40 pen. My fren borrowed it and i forgot to get it back...there, i lost it forever

every single times that happens, I always hav that same wish that i may possess a gadget which tells me the exact location of the object at that point in time. can be anywhere...as long as i know...ill go find it

It can be quite unhealthy sometimes when ur too attached to objects. once i'm comfortable with something or some ideas, i just keep using it or doing it the same way.
Its unlikely for me to change. maybe it has to do with me being picky...spending too much time picking things out and therefore im simply tired of going through it all again. once the decision is made...i stick to it

I'm stubborn, inflexible, attached, possessive, obsessive, fix minded...whatever u wanna call it
The fact that i spent over 2 hrs of my perfect little hard-to-find afternoon off to go and look for this specific PEN at various stationery shops (unsuccessfully by the way) prob tells how badly im attached to this pen
...and guess what... im still writing blog about it

maybe ...just maybe... its been sitting in my bag all this time...ill go check
nope..not there..
I'm really going crazy

P.S. Found it ...lost it again...im just an idiot but at least now i know it was FX speed 0.7

One of those days

Its one of those days when things just dun go the way u want

Today...

- I perforated and overfilled one of the molar roots...
- Had to talk to this idiot guy who wants $300 bike for $150
- Stuffed up temporary crowns over and over and over
- Lost my fav La Cron carver, the best pros weapon second to wax knife
- Realised I havent made a wax rim for a 9am patient tmr
- My frens told me they semi-broke a badge-making machine

Game Frenzy

What come to ur mind when u think of the word 'cards/board game'?
The classic names are such as monopoly, uno, cluedo, pictionary etc
It wasn't until last yr that my eyes were opened to the endless possibilty of mind games

So here r the games I've come across


Bang!!!
By far the most addictive game my frens and I played last yr
A western cowboy theme role-playing cards game for 5 to 7 players
The Sheriff is out to capture outlaws. The outlaws wanna kill the sheriff but also wouldnt hesitate to kill each other for rewards while the Renegade stirs his own plot
A very friendly and fast game. Doesnt require heavy thinking but still hav that strategic element in it
Much more fun with expansion pack: High Noon, Fistful of Cards and Dodge City
The collector set is a rip-off but I got it anyway


Kil Doctor Lucky
This is the game we got for our frens Bday last yr
Its the murder-in-the-dark board game where everyones trying to kill Doctor Lucky and also prevent others from killing him first
u cant attempt murder while someones watching u
ull kill with just about anything u can find...rat poison, monkey hand, bad cream...killing joke
But Dr Lucky isnt called Dr lucky for nothing
Loose ceiling tiles falls down...the door frame hits u in the face....chattering mice distracts u....u forget!!!...ur thoughts turn to a misspent youth
Not a bad game but can take a long time depending on the number of players
On most occasions the games r won by luck and planning often go to waste
Usually I feel pretty crappy after the game... someone always get blamed
The game still hav multiple flaws with the rules and the design in general
Should play with 4 players


Carcassonne
I just got this game recently
A tile-laying game where players keep adding the roads, cities, fields and cloisters
Followers are deployed as thieves, knights, monks and farmers on each terrain to earn points
Its not too heavy and quite easy to learn, yet it still allow some strategic plannings
The game time isnt too long which is good (limited by the number of tiles)
Some games arent fun to play when there r less players even though the box says u can play it
but this one, the essence of the game can still be enjoyed even by 2 players
The thing is...if there are more players, its best that u get expansions cos there prob wont be enough tiles going around
The good expansions I've looked up online are prob Inns&Cathedrals, Traders&Builders and Abbey&Mayor
Problems: The paper tiles r prob not very durable
Still need to review further once I get more gaming hrs


Family Business
A short and simple cards game
u own a mob and ur trying to put the other mobs on the hitting list
The last mob with members still alive wins
Fast...simple...basic...with some tricks here and there
but dun plan... cos it doesnt work...its really just what ur being dealt with
The golden rule that ppl should remember: no one is invincible
If u have enough ppl ganging up on u, u'll die... sooner or later
No need to think too much...just enjoy it
This is what my fren consider an appertizer


Munchkin
Enter-the-Dungeon cards game
u fight monsters behind the door and u level up...
u may flee but if ur caught then theres a price to be paid
Collecting items along the way, u fight from evil-looking Pot Plant to Plutonium Dragon
ur frens may help u but often backstabbing is what happened
The rules may seem complex at the start and there re still balancing issues
Interesting game to play but I wont buy one for myself
Prob for 4 to 6 players


Settlers of Catan
u build settlements to harvest surrounding natural resourses... brick...woods...sheep...rock
u trade...u find ports and expand ur settlements
A HALLMARK GAME
very challenging for those who enjoy strategies but not too much
More thinking to do than ...bang or family business
An average boardgame player would want to hav one in their home
Not difficult to learn... will take about an hour and a half to play
A bit of luck...a bit of skills... it encourages interaction between players which is really good
My bro reckons that most of the thinking comes right at the beginning of the game when picking the right tile for ur settlements...the rest is has to do with luck a lot (i.e whatever the dice roll)
Best to play with 4 players
I played it once and really liked it
Definitely would want to get one for myself when I hav money


Ticket to Ride: Europe
This one was the game my fren owns
We are building railroads from city to city. missions to complete
Short routes...long routes...intercepting someone elses line
Simply an awesome game... my intro really downplays the fun and joy we get
A neat strategic game... not many issues like some others
Really easy to learn
Can be played from 2 to 5 players but i enjoy it when there r more player i.e. 4-5
The series come with the original game, Ticket to ride
The later editions of the game are Ticket to Ride: Europe and Ticket to Ride: Marklin which is all independent of each other
Apparently the latest one got the best review with more balance and it forces more competition between players ie. more challenging
However, some reviews also suggest that the addition of 'passenger' component makes things stupid and unnecessary too
I was quite happy with the Europe edition I've been playing but I find that ppl with the longest route usually win so that makes the game a bit boring as ppl tend to go for that simple strategy.
At times, we did use a house rule which also gives a player with the most missions completed 10 extra points but my fren usually don't enforce this
There can be some variations on how you want to play the game as well because it will get boring with normal rules after a while
None the less, I feel like I have had my share of European edition and that Marklin version would be something I look forward to
Ticket of Ride: Marklin is another game I really like to collect... would be a good addition


Shadows over Camelot
My fren also owns this game
Interestingly, This game is different to every other games cos with this one, everybody is fighting against the board, not with each other
Mind u the board isnt a piece of cake that will let u chew on so easily
We are knights of the round table and we win by completing quests
Each turn everyone get to do something evil and something noble so if overall, u dun plan ur moves carefully, evils that have been revealed will just overruns u
Hearing what I had to say probably didnt give u the picture how much the boardgame screws with us
Sometimes so much has been sacrificed for so little in return
And if that wasn't enough, there is also a 'possibility' that there may be a traitor among us
I noted the word 'possibility' because its worse than knowing that theres definitely a traitor among us
It put doubt in ppls minds and everything they do
My golden rule is: If ur sincerely trying to be helpful, u shouldnt have too many cards left in ur hand
Its those ones who say they can't do anything but are holding 10+ cards that r dodgey
The first time we played this game, we played for 10 hrs or so straight
and we lost 5-6 games straight too until the last game which we managed to win
Even though now my fren reckons that if each of us does the right thing, the board should be easy to kill and its really just a battle between us all and the traitor
I disagree bcos like what some reviews say, the game has about 50% chance of winning without a traitor and with a good traitor, u just have to be prepared for disappointments.
I'd seen some games with screwed up luck and some luckier ones which resulted in us winning (usually not the case either)
Seeing that: 1) we didnt win a lot of the times even when we were lucky 2) the traitors havnt been very effective just yet 3) none of us has managed to accuse someone correctly 4) There is so much table-talking (which means cheating...)
, I dun see how he can comment that this game is "too easy"
I'm pretty much over 'Shadows over Camelot' now but I dun mind playing it every now and then
This game is suitable for 4-7 players

Puerto Rico
Recently I had a chance to try this game out
This game involves us running a business in a town and we have to grow crops, build factories, manage our employees, trade our products and also ship our products back to our country
Again, sounds simple but if u actually get to see the game for urself, ull realise that the whole mechanism of the game is very complex and the possibility is endless
I heard a fair amount about the game before I tried it out and most of it turns out to be true
First of all, its the number 1 ranked boardgame which is recommended to players who are more competitive

The element that attracts advanced players is probably cos this game is very well-balanced

The game has very little luck component and that good end result depends on ur effective judgement throughout the game
With so many variables, its very hard to keep track of things
New players will experience the state of "analysis paralysis" or simply "brain-fried"
Its funny how I used to play bang!!! and I was fine.
I started playing Shadows over Camelot and Ticket to Ride...then my head was a bit numbed after a couple of game. But with this, my brain switched off before the game ended
Being a new player in this game, I felt like I was blind the whole game
There is no direct conflict in this game so ull find that manipulations are quite subtle
To me, its like being stabbed in the dark. It stings a bit here and there but u really have no idea until u walk out into the light (end game) and find out there are 13 knives on ur body (and drop dead of course)
Prob best for 3-4 players
Even though its prob a bit more complex than my level of experience
I do think this is an art of all boardgames. The designer of this game has my respect
The problem with this game is that it will be hard to find frens on the advance level to play with u
but hey... if i hav it (and i want it), I dun mind playing it every now and then (kinda like a chess board)
I'll develope skills slowly over time and this way I won't get bored of it so easily like other games

So there u go...