.

...

2009-06-22T23:08:00.003+10:00

Shep Insert #5

2009-06-21T18:47:00.004+10:00

The weekend.

Friday
Visiting Tahbilk Winery. Had a beautiful lunch, a small intake of award-winning alcohol and a casual stop at Nargambie lake again for icecream.

Saturday
Early start to Mt buller, driving through Benalla and Mansfield. The snow coverage was decent but the weather deserved a [-5]. The first experience with snowboarding wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but still gotta do a bit of skiing to cure the 2 years hunger. I learnt that the secret to snowboarding was to pray. The drive down the mountain in the fog was quite dangerous but was rather enjoyable once on the road. Red bull was life-saving. Arriving at 'Home', it felt so touching to have friends cooking for you. It was like having a family that looks after you.

Sunday
Sleep-in day. Very sore after [6 hrs drive & 7 hrs skiing & only 3 hrs sleep the previous night]. Went to Campbell but it closed so went cheap-food shopping at SPC. Welcome back family from Melbourne :)

PS. At night, cars with high beam looked like Batman signal light.

Shep Insert #4

2009-06-19T00:23:00.003+10:00

David: Now have a check on the tooth with your tongue. Does the filling still feel sharp or rough?

Patient: I can't feel anything. My tongue is all numbed

David: Should I put my tongue in there and feel the filling for you?

Shep Insert #3

2009-06-18T00:29:00.007+10:00

Day 3-5

This is when work gets serious. It's been a slow start, not knowing where everything are in the surgery. It also didn't help to be called in the middle of having lunch because I thought I was going to visit private practice in the afternoon when I actually supposed to be treating patients. Patients are too nice but working progress has been shitty. When your first and second impressions looked so terrible in your supervisor's eyes, is there a chance for the third impression? Whatmore, my patient was treated the next day by someone else and told them how crappy I was. Finding some positives in all that, I had an opportunity to look through a dental microscope. I had trouble focusing under high magnifications but the image was already super huge and clear at 4X. The endo world with a microscope is surely limitless. And how awesome was Guttaflow (only if you know how to clean the mess)? It was almost like squirting Fuji IX down root canals. Working with BOH has been awesome, given that they love my three least favourite parts of dentistry; Scaling, Special needs and Paediatrics. Realising now that BOH is the perfect counter-part I can't live without, I'll be sure to make friends with a few before graduating.

At home, Davin's yelling "drink!!!" or "just sip" became ever more familiar and so the drinking continued among the 'serious discussion' group. Flu has been a Pandemic with people fallen (sick) like leaves. Bowling was the Tuesday night's outing with Nho Hoon topping the scoreboard at 123 points.

Dinners
Tues: Davin's homemade Nando Chicken Burrito
Wednes: Kelly's Pizza
Thurs: Aditi's Lasagne

PS. someone thought food in patient's mouth was a 'squishy' Fuji7

Shep Insert #2

2009-06-17T01:09:00.006+10:00

Private Practice

Visiting one of the six private practices in Shepparton, here are some of the pointers.
- Patients are very nice in private practice especially in rural area
- The appointment book is booked out until september, which hints the serious shortage and demand for services.
- I havent picked up a sickle scaler for years
- Patients don't care how much you know until you show how much you care.

Sitting in the surgery overlooking the green scattered trees and bushes outside, turning on the sound of running water, with maybe a few kangaroos or two hopping by, endulging in the sense of tranquility, wouldn't that be a dream?

Shep Insert #1

2009-06-16T09:27:00.008+10:00

Day 1-2

Leaving Melb for 4 weeks in Shepparton, it was full of excitement. The drive was fun when you have someone driving up with you, so you concentrate on keeping a close distance instead of just staring blankly at the empty road ahead. We were in Nargambie in no time. The weather was aunshine-perfect and so did the fish&chip by the glittering lake. we were in Shep within 40 minutes, our home for the next 4 weeks. The 'Pod' looks awesome with 4 bedrooms downstairs, 6 upstairs and a bathroom between each bedroom. Went to do grocery shopping and I'm (not)proud to say that our first bill was $292. We also met 2 lovely BOH, Michelle and Maggie which soon became very much a part of our group thanks to the overly friendly Bec.

The First night in Shep began and ended in a typical fashion, involving a few bottles of alcohol. A few ppl had a few too many which resulted in the house being filled with werid random noises and high pitch squealing throughout the night. We woke up to witness a random chair in the bathroom and Twister on the living room floor which hinted much about the unknown nightly activities. No need to say that in the morning there were a not-hung-over-cos-I'm-still-drunk person, a few zombies, a few cases of xerostomia and a few constant yellings such as "I'm indian. I don't get drunk", "... raped me", "I don't remember anything", "I sense the judgemental aura coming from my left" and so on so on.

The second night was spent much on cooking which wasn't too bad except the rice that looked more like mashed potato. There were games of Settlers of Catan, Boggle and Wii Beach Volleyball which saw me retreating to my bedroom with very sore arms. I don't know much of what followed after I left but surely, it involved some 'serious discussions' and Kelly overtaking Bec on the 'Chart' in less than 24 hours.

Status @ 40 hrs
- No fight among housemates yet
- Kelly AKA Squealer
- I S2 Dishwasher

Yes. But no meat

2009-06-10T00:31:00.005+10:00

Today while I was working, I had an unexpected sms from my brother.
It was short and sharp to my brother's typical fashion and it said "yes. but no meat"

Now, what does that suppose to mean? I had no idea what he was talking about. so 4 words were what I had to work with.
The 'yes' implied that I asked something of him first and the 'no meat' implied it had something to do with food.
Now the time that I might be getting this kinda msg from my brother would be on weekends when I go shopping and he might've wanted me to buy something etc etc.
I started to think along the line of delayed msg that we sometimes get. I went food shopping on the weekend but didn't remember asking him anything.
So I went through my sent msg history. Lo and behold, the culprit msg, "hey can you eat spicy?".
But that wasn't for my brother. It was the msg I sent to a friend who was coming over on saturday for dinner.
Suddenly things began to make sense. In my family, I call my brother by his nickname which is 'A' and hence he is the first on the phone number list alphabetically.
The phone must have knocked around in my pocket and sent accidental msgs I didn't delete off the compose window.

Nothing more to it than that...except my brother would be expecting a spicy non-meat dinner from me tonight =(

Hot N Cold

2009-06-09T20:15:00.012+10:00

I change my mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah me, can't decide what to drink
You would know
And I over think
Dark or white chocolate
I should know
That you're so good for me

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You smell like Milo
You taste like Time Out
I can't put you down
You look about right
You're brown and you're white
So good I drink up
Then I lick the cup

I, I don't really wanna pay, no
I, and I don't really wanna go, oh

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You smell like Milo
You taste like Time Out
I can't put you down...

** couldn't get the song off my head the whole weekend **

Through the eye

2009-06-07T21:27:00.008+10:00

Optimist

2009-06-07T00:17:00.003+10:00

A man saw another man walked into the room with one shoe,
so he asked, "Did you lose a shoe?",
to which the man replied, "No, I've found one".

Is your glass half empty or half full?

Panching all the way

2009-06-04T22:41:00.008+10:00

By the tune of "Jingle Bells"

Drilling out the hole
Filling in decay
Missed lunch time, oh no
Working all the way
Where the hell's that thing?
Time to panic, right?
What fun it is to look through the bin
We'll be here all night

(Chorus)
Oh, bell st hell, bell st smells
Panching all the way
Oh, what fun it is to work
In a self-sterilising place
Bell st hell, bell st smells
Panching all the way
Oh, what fun it is to work
In a self-sterilising place

Can't find that football bur
Did room three guys take mine?
Still writing on paper
Why not type online?
Fifteen minutes exam
We thought it's game and fun
Until we started a fight with Trang
Then no work gets done

(Chorus) x2

Disclaimer: I like Panch (a lot) and this lyric is only written for its entertainment value.

Dumb

2009-06-03T20:54:00.000+10:00

I'm dumber than I look.
So if I look dumb...pls save me.

Bishops

2009-05-30T17:39:00.010+10:00

Moving,
like two bishops.
Close in proximity.
Apart infinitely.

Come,
a bit closer.
Breathe a little slower.
Look a little harder,
and see.

Losing (a) heart
but won't lose the soul.
Sometimes, want to follow.
The path is too narrow,
and falling.

Kids. Love them or hate them.

2009-05-27T21:48:00.011+10:00

"Kids cry easily but they smile and laugh just as quickly", someone told me a few days before my paedodontic clinics started but that said little about what to expect over the next 8 weeks. Some kids are breath-takingly sweet and some are self-absorbed annoying little dynamites.

I made kids cry by giving an injection. I made kids cry without giving an injection. I made a kid cry while giving oral hygiene instruction which struck me with the reality of kid's sensitivity. I had a flashback to 10 years ago when I felt the same way that kid felt. It saddened me that as I grew up, my thinking changed and I forgot to consider how I used to feel as a kid. Anyway, I'm happy that I'm able to sort out my feeling and do LA on kids without hesitation.

In paedodontic clinics, we've seen it all. We saw award-winning parents. We saw bad parenting. We saw a 6 yrs old acting like a 15 yrs old. We saw a 15 yrs old acting like a 4 yrs old. We saw Fuji 7 being used. We saw conseal and clamps running out. We saw a dentist "probed" fissure sealant out of the window. We saw all the Nguyens in Melbourne. We saw little angels and demons.

I've yet to extract a baby tooth. My only potential extraction patient didn't show up which means that I've never successfully extracted a primary tooth given that the only primary tooth I attempted earlier this year was a failure and I went home with a cramped forearm.

I've yet to do pulpotomy even though I came across many large decay cavities. Unfortunately for me but fortunately for those kids, they remained as filled cavities, as opposed to root canal treated and crowned. After expressing disappointment to a friend, he casually whispered the devil's words, "you can just slip".

At times, I didn't have much sympathy for patients who failed to turn up to appointments. Within these last few weeks, a simple truth finally came to me that human are human. We have good days and we have bad days. Sometimes (most of the time), patients don't want to see a dentist, just like sometimes, dentists don't want to see patients (especially when we are down physically). My demonstrator once told me "As much as they love you, they don't want to see you if they can help it".

After 8 weeks, not only did I learnt about kids, I learnt much about our friends. Some people hate kids. Some people are good with kids but still hate kids. Some people like young asian girls. Some people like young boys, specifically 9-10 yrs old. Some people ARE like kids. Some people like to steal other people's patients. Some people's mood fluctuated according to the nurse they had or had not.

So after nine exams, nine fissure sealants, eight preventives/scaling, six fillings, one stainless steel crown and popping rubber dam clamps out of the mouth twice, what else can I say? Prescribe TLC.

It's been a nice ride kiddo.

TP

2009-05-24T03:30:00.004+10:00

Consent?

Just call

2009-05-15T00:52:00.008+10:00

"well u should have just called me to hang out. I was pretty lonely last year..."

Sometimes you wish you could've taken things back and do it all over again but that's just a fantasy.
"Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free." was the famous quote from Shawshank redemption which reminded me that fear is our biggest obstacle in achieving anything. We fear a lot of things: fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of rejection, fear of failure. We let opportunities fly by without knowing what could've been or how it may have turned out. And on rare occasions, things happened that made you realised what you've lost and made you regreted not taking chances. Like the movie 'Sliding doors' starring Gwyneth Paltrow, a seemingly insignificant event can split your life down different paths and the lives you could've had became parallel universes. So when the next fork on the road comes, which path would you go on? Where do you want to be?

Time to stop being afraid.

Think

2009-05-06T19:23:00.001+10:00

Think of the ski.
Think of the snow.
Think you wouldn't wanna roll
down the slopes with me?

2009-04-29T18:04:00.008+10:00

.
.
.

.
.
promises
.
.
.
.

The Devil ate chicken for dinner

2009-04-26T04:42:00.009+10:00

45 mins: Manchester United 0 - 2 Tottenham Hotspur
Final: Manchester United 5 - 2 Tottenham Hotspur

Who said we couldn't do it?

PS. Thanks for your blessing.

TimTam

2009-04-25T19:27:00.013+10:00

Windy night. Been dark for a few hours. Head numbed from watching people running around the island. Throat felt dry. Neck, stiff. Eyes half closed, tired from prolong exposure to computer screen light.
Ears picked up a door sound, slamming in the distance. Brother went hiking. Noone else lives in this house. Paused window media player. Sitting still in the dark. Pupils dilated. Ears tuned. Took a bite of TimTam. Silence spreaded. Swallowed TimTam. Paranoid. Hearing things again. Loneliness does that to people. The wind slammed the door?
Getting up slowly. Bedroom door was wide opened. Thought of a hostile attacking by surprise crept to mind. Watched too much hollywood crap. Nevertheless, feet automatically side-stepped towards the far side of the room, circling to see beyond the door. Hand held an invisble baseball bat.
Noone... ahh nutz.
Walking past the door, the noise downstairs became apparent. Brother's friend? but the light was off. This seemed sus. Holding my breath. Slowly crept down the stairs. One hand held up like a pistol. why? dunno. Half a Timtam in the other hand. Stopped half way down. Swallowed TimTam as quietly as possible. Stuck my head over the side of the stairs. The footsteps approached. The dark outline of a tiny bearded man emerged from the dining room. He turned and looked at me.

Oh it was my brother.

Rheumatic Fever

2009-04-24T01:29:00.006+10:00

Rheumatic fever is an inflammatory disease that may occur after a streptococcal bacterial infection. It is caused by the antibody cross reaction between the bacterial antigen and the self antigen of various organs such as the heart, joints, the brain and skin. The major concern with regard to dentistry is the damage to the endocardium or the heart valve which may put these patients under the risk of developing infective endocarditis after performing some dental procedures.
That's what I'm going to regurgitate, word by word, if by some dim chance it turns up in the exam for the third time.
Getting shot down by Dr Stacey in viva exam was a unique experience few dental students had to endure, so...once is already one too many.

I'll never ever forget it again.
I'll never ever forget it again
I'll never ever forget it again
I'll never ever forget it again
I'll never ever forget it again
I'll never ever forget it again
I'll never ever forget it again
I'll never ever forget it again
I'll never ever forget it again
I'll never ever forget it again

It's surprising how depression can be a drive to make you study, even though it usually lasts only a few minutes.

Code Purple

2009-04-23T23:02:00.004+10:00

We didn't panick...

Until we saw...

PS. Code pink =)

Back at Base

2009-04-23T22:27:00.005+10:00

Black nails. Leaf necklace.
Monday long coat.
Tuesday black.
Wednesday red.
Everyday pretty.

Thin line

2009-04-22T21:15:00.006+10:00

While digging through my own rubbish, the old thoughts resurfaced.

Why do couples look so right and complete?

Fundamentally, we are all seeking companionships and usually we find ourselves friends. We know that noone likes to be alone. We need someone to listen to, someone to talk to, someone to trust, someone to stick by you when you need them.
but what is friendship? How do we define friendships when some are deep while some are superficial. Some are meaningful while some are deceitful. Some are family, some are strictly 'business' and some are just words we use to refer to people who we knew of. What does it really mean? Doesn't it make you feel cautious about who we let in and what we let out? Is friendship enough?
Friendships and Love are seperated only by a thin line, a line that is so well-defined and yet, fuzzy at the same time. When you have something as vague as 'friendship', doesn't it sometimes make you want to cross the thin line into that new place of trust? and isn't it deligthful to see someone steping over that line with you, someone who trust you just as much. Isn't this why we are constantly searching for our soulmates? Or otherwise we will never feel complete, be complete.

Why do couples look so right and complete?

Because they've found something more than friendships. They no longer feel unsettled. They no longer seek and so they live their lives in security. They can live their lives in relaxed trust.

Kent Valentine

2009-04-21T21:49:00.004+10:00

"There are 2 types of love. The love that you can express and declare and the love that you can express but can never declare" - Kent Valentine

Next yr I'll get an autograph.

Yellow light

2009-04-20T22:32:00.002+10:00

Towards the end of easter break, life fell into the usual pattern again. On holiday, it always seemed like you had all the time in the world with nothing to do but you always found out that there were so much you forgot to do, on the last night. but of course, it was all too late.

2 days ago I found out I missed the last 10 episodes of Heroes and Lost but that's not the point. The point is the realisation that 10 weeks blissed by without me noticing and it left me wondering what have I done all these times. The first Back-to-base week approached like a flashing yellow light, signalling the coming of an end.

The second light glimpses in the not-so-far distance, marking the beginning of the home stretch.
but there're so much more that I wanted to do. so many things I haven't had the courage to do.

wasn't mine

2009-04-19T18:48:00.002+10:00

Today I encountered a rare event of having spotted a $10 note on the ground at safeway.
My first reaction was picking it up and gave it to the counter. The guy asked me "Do you want to keep it?". I said "nah" and left.

Now I couldn't quite understand why I did what I did. When ppl see money lying around without any obvious owner they think finders keepers, right? so why then? maybe $10 was too much and I don't feel comfortable taking it. Maybe I've never seen a $10 note lying around for grap. maybe I would've taken it if it was $2? What would the guy at the counter do? The money isn't in the system. Noone is gonna claim it. How can you declare ownership of lost money? For all we know, the guy prob kept it himself. maybe because I didn't need that money. maybe it didn't feel right. maybe I'm a dumbass.

Why am I thinking so much? Should've just taken the money and buy half a tube of toothmousse.

actually, Love

2009-04-13T22:47:00.014+10:00

About 2 months ago around the time of Valentine's day, I came across an article which pointed out how romantic movies can harm our relationships,which is being described as the so-called 'Nothing Hill effect'.
It is said that ppl who watch romcoms (and disney films alike) are more likely to hold on to the idea of predestined love and are more likely to be unhappy with their own relationships. Romcoms often paint the picture that lovers can suddenly develop a spark but portray married couples as being boring and loveless. The article revealed the common themes running through the line of romcom films, these being 'opposites attract', the 'pick me', the 'class warfare' and the 'secret identities'. This gives ppl unrealistic expectations of their own relationships. Thus more and more ppl now a day stay single in the belief that they can afford to wait for their soulmates and often, quit perfectly good relationships with the excuse that they didn't have the right person.

Sadly, I'm a romcom person and maybe I've been suffering from the Nothing Hill Effect. Today I watched Pride and Prejudice again and my heart was still moved by Keira Knightly, the idea of 'love chemistry' and the beautiful language my ears couldn't catch up to. For now, I think this is what I need, an indulgence, a glimpse of perfection in my imperfect life.
While being the all time classic love story, there was a hint of reality in the film that we cannot ignore. I was drawn to the character Charlotte, one of Lizzy's sisters who boldly stated that "not everyone can afford to be romantic" and it couldn't be more true. There are many ppl out there who are bounded by life's unfortunate circumstances and do not have choices in this matter. I do realise that life isn't a fairy tale but I can't help being scared that my life may end up being like Charlotte's. What a waste of a lifetime that would be.

Some random things I came across on the internet
- Love means never having to say you're sorry, mostly because when you screw up, you will need to make a much longer speech than that.
- You never know when love will strike, which makes it similar to terrorists.
- Love was originally invented by microsoft, thus explaining its chronic instability.
- We wear wedding rings on the left fourth finger because of the belief dated back to ancient egypt that the vein of love runs from this finger directly to the heart.

PS. Isn't it nice to think that everyone has been cut in two and we're all wandering the earth looking for our other half?

The Legend of BigMac

2009-04-12T20:50:00.003+10:00

Once upon the time, there was a fat kid in a tiny village far far way. He loved eating BigMac and his dad grew weary of his eating habit. One day, his dad walked up to him with a newspaper and pointed out how much fat there is in each BigMac. His dad made a deal with him that for every BigMac eaten, the boy would have to swim 15 laps of the pool. The boy agreed and so he swam 15 laps for every BigMac he consumed. He even went swimming in advance on several occasions to accumulate BigMac points. Over the next 5 years, the fat kid grew tired of the whole process and slowly stopped eating BigMac.

The father is very pleased that his son no longer eats BigMac nor fat but is now a very good swimmer.

Hi crushedguava

2009-04-07T21:12:00.007+10:00

Hi crushedguava, meet crushedcoconut.
Half week gone half day 46
Cannot became should not
Am not because it's you
Will not move but am scared
3 butterflies in dreamland

when...

2009-04-04T22:10:00.007+11:00

Life sux...

...when ppl around disappoint you to the extent that you would rather be alone.
...when somewhere between the states of waking and sleeping, you fear what happened, what might have happened, what's happening and what you think will happen.
...when memories remind you how you are not good enough but you don't know why.
...when you know that looking away and ignoring it doesn't solve the problem but you do it anyway because it feels better.
...when you wait for someone on a leaving train and they don't show up.
...when they say the trains may meet later but you know it's a lie.
...when you can't answer to yourself why you're here, what are you doing and what do you want.
...when there's so much noise around but none is going into your head. You can't hear yourself think and you don't know where to turn to.
...when you feel weak but need to be strong for others.
...when you don't like what you do and so does everyone else but you can't change it.
...when you are living on 20c.
...when you need an aid of something along the line of Zoloft.
...when studying seems a better idea than whatever you are doing.
...when you feel disconnected and you fear the thing left holding it all together might be there for the wrong reason.
...when you can't control how you feel and knowing it, is depressing.
...when there are lines on 2 different levels and you dare not to cross it because you have so much to lose and because there's a big red sign 'don't jump'.
...when each bad decision you made leads on to the worse one made down the track.

...when you're lonely but not alone.

PS. Ever thought that adding a weaker piece to something can make it stronger?

Life doesn't wait

2009-03-30T23:27:00.007+11:00

Some ppl don't understand that life doesn't wait for you to be ready. That was a pretty clear message from the forever-will-be-top-rom-com-in-my-heart movie, 'A Lot Like Love', telling us how we can't live our lives in a serial circuit, waiting for all the great things in life to come to you one by one, one after another. Life is a parallel circuit. Things (or s**ts) happen all the time. Destiny comes around the corner and you take whatever you can. You may not be great at multi-tasking but you hope that at the end of the day the goods will outweight the bads, that friends and love ones would carry you through hard times, that you'll come out the other end clean and learnt from your mistakes along the way. What if it takes a thousand mistakes for you to get it right? Can you afford to do it all one after another? Life's too short. Living life in series and you'll find you'll miss many trains.

I saw one of my friends' photo with his gf and it just dawned on me how it felt so right. I never thought I'd seen them in that sorta light but they really seemed happy and complete right there in the moment the picture was captured. Why do ppl with gf/bf have a glow about them? Are all great things really made in pairs? Why?

"Oliver, this is life. It doesn't wait for you to get back on your feet" - Graham ('A Lot Like Love" 2005)

25 Things about me

2009-03-28T02:32:00.006+11:00

I've seen the 25 random things tag on facebook that has been circulating around and it didn't catch my attention until I read my brother's. Then I realised I really dunno a whole lot about him. So here I attempt to have my own version of the 25 random things about me.

1) Mum, Dad and my brother are the 3 greatest rolemodels in my life, whom which sum up who I am today. I always think I've got problem-solving and logical thinking from my dad while I've got the abstract thinking and sensitivity from my mum.

2) I follow my brother foot steps in many many things that I do. Usually, I couldn't do it as well as he does but I'm very happy with the things that I did and partially thankful that I'm not as good as he is or else I would've felt obligated to fulfil those potentials. These things include maths, soccer, badminton, athletics, mindgames, photography, carpentry and many other outdoor activites eg. rockclimbing, kayaking, bush walking, cycling, skiing, sailing, etc.

3) In yr 2003, I walked 100.3 km at Wombat state forest within 24 hrs. That was the first time I see a live full adult size red kangaroo jumping right past my face. In yr 2005, I cycled over 200km around Port Phillips bay under 12 hrs in a cycling event 'Around the bay in a day'. I was the last person to have gone over the Westgate bridge on the day and hence the last person to complete the event on the day. My bike computer registered 228.69km on that day. I would now like to attempt a 400+km drive under 6 hrs, hopefully in 2009.

4) I'm shortsighted with -6.25 (RHS) and -5.75 (LHS) and I also have astigmatism. It's a misconception that I'm a nerd because I wear thick glasses. I have poor eyesight owing to the genetic factor and my habit of watching TV in the dark when I was little in fear of waking my parents up. I've worn my glasses for over 15 yrs.

5) My last contact with girls before Uni was back in kindergarden given that I've been through all-boys primary and highschool. I remember being matched with one girl in second yr kindergarden whom I was teased about as being my gf. Her nickname was Nina.

6) I'm a Buddhist even though I went to christian primary and secondary school. During the 6 yrs in highschool, I had at least 4 bible readings every week, including half an hr chapel service on Sunday. I found that the more services I attended, the more repelled from christianity I felt.

7) I've only ever got one gf in my life despite what people around me think. I'm quite picky, like how I am with other aspects of my life.

8) I've been lazy all my life. My occasional displays of diligence almost always initiated from 'lazy' motives. It's always about achieving optimal results with minimal input and don't talk to me about doing things the last minute.

9) I enjoy reading quite a variety of novels but romantic novels are usually my preference when I want to relax my brain. My favourite romantic novel authors are Nicholas Sparks and กิ่งฉัตร (Thai novels). My life changing book is 'Ice Station' by Matthew Reilly which is the only book I've personally gone to ask for the author's autograph in my copy of the book.

10) I think I have a big personal space. I like doing things by myself and sometimes I can live by myself for a month without much human contact at all.

11) I used to grow up thinking my whole family is fat. Coincidentally, my mum nicknamed me 'Pui' which means chubby or fat in Hokkien.

12) I'm a very self-centered person. I have problem accepting what my mind doesn't like, to the point that I develop a way of tricking my brain into accepting things.

13) I live my life in patterns and so I have the urge to organise things into blocks, physically and imaginatively. I also have a fear of forgeting things which doesn't go well with my poor short term memory. I usually do a quick room sweep before leaving and I get caught up when I lost something as simple as a pen. I often forget what I want to say or do and am quite dependent on reminder notes. I used to get very upset when my mum washed away the 'notes' I accidentally left in my jeans' pocket.

14) I once thought that I would never grow out of playing games. I usually play computer games because I never own a PS, Nintendo, X-Box, Wii, etc. At 19, I got over it and stopped playing computer games. Now I only limit myself to boardgames.

15) I like drawing although I used to be terrible at it. I owe my dexterity to a comic called 'Conan' which I secretly bought with my lunch money behind my mum when I was little. Sketching Conan's character was how I started drawing but now I mainly sketch portraits. I still sux.

16) I have many regrets in life. I've done some terrible things the first few years away from home and I upset many ppl along the way. I think leaving home early was how I learnt to be a bit more considerate towards others.

17) I have a hunch back before starting dentistry due to my reading-in-bed habit.

18) I have numeral scars on my bodies. One on my head and one on my right wrist from broken window glass. One on the back of my right hand where a small greenish lump was excised. 2 on my right elbow from two seperate falls off the bike. A few on my left ankle and foot from a fall off a big rock.

19) Before 2007, I never thought Facebook could become the thing like many others of its kind such as Tagged, Multiply, Hi5 etc.

20) I own my first mobile phone in 1st year uni, the one which I'm still using today. I never own a pager, bluetooth or any other gadgets that became popular from time to time except a 30GB Ipod video.

21) I had my near death experience in Dec 2004 when I returned from phuket less than 24 hrs before Tsunami wiped the whole beach and most things 3km in land. I took a picture as I was walking on the pier without knowing that it would never be the same again.

22) I considered myself to be a lucky person. I was lucky even before I was born. My parents wanted 2 kids and my mum had a miscarriage before having my brother. I've almost never been born but I'm glad I'm my mum's boy for every minutes of my life.

23) I think that since it's my 23rd birthday, I shall end this 25 random things at 23.

Learning things the hard way

2009-03-26T22:03:00.003+11:00

There's always a first time for everything, including a needle stick injury.

With everything in life, I find that we never really learn anything despite having been told over and over because it still feels like a fantasy that you can't relate to. But once it happened to yourself, it became a reality that's hard to forget and so we live through life making mistakes, one after another.

I've made mistakes, so many mistakes these past 5 yrs. I've made people cry. I've made some people lose faith. I've made people angry. I've made enemies without knowing. I've made some gain to my patient's loss but I'm grateful for their sacrifice. Many thanks to those who put up with me and guided me with kindness and compassion. I hope one day I'll be capable of giving it back.

I've always thought that I'm generally a lucky person. There were a lot of mistakes in my life but they were little ones that set me back but never really took me down. It almost seems like those were designed not to cause me grief but to make me learn things in life, predetermined check points. It's like another hurdle to jump over and I get stronger after each one.

Sometimes my knees knocked the bar and bruised but I never catch the bar by the foot and fall... like a rock.

Thoughts: Know when to remember, when to forget and when to forgive.

Who bit the Apple?

2009-03-16T23:26:00.009+11:00

I've been curious for a while now on this question.
Why does McIntosh apple (MAC) have to be half bitten and Who bit it?

Me came up with 3 random answers

A: Adam - bcos "we were born to break rules", in reference to christian's belief of Adam eating the forbidden fruit of knowledge (maybe an apple?) and hence the term Adam's apple. *shrug*

B: Isaac - bcos he got hungry after too much thinking, in reference to Isaac Newton discovering gravity.

C: An angry orange - in reference to my Photo5's 'Domestic Violence'

So...

do you think like a Christian, a Scientist or my friend?
Feel free to drop in more answers =)

อย่างน้อย

2009-03-15T23:04:00.002+11:00

ในชีวิต เคยถูกคนปฏิเสธของขวัญวันเกิดบ้างหรือเปล่า

เธอเคยบอกเราว่า มีแต่คนทำให้เธอผิดหวังในวันเกิดเสมอ
เราก็อยากจะทำให้เธอมีความสุข เพราะเราคิดว่าทุกๆคน สมควรที่จะมีสิ่งดีๆเข้ามาในชีวิตบ้าง อย่างน้อยก็ในวันเกิดของตัวเอง
เรานั่งทำการ์ดวันเกิดให้เธอตั้งแต่ 3 อาทิตย์ก่อน จนเพื่อนคนอื่นมันว่าเราบ้า
เรานั่งคิดหาอะไรให้เธอทำสนุกๆ เธอก็ไม่สนใจ
เราจะพาเธอไปเลี้ยงอาหารเช้าข้างนอกในวันเกิดก่อนไปทำงาน เธอก็คงไม่ต้องการอีก
อาทิตย์ก่อนเราไปเที่ยวงาน moomba กับเพื่อน เล่นเกมส์ตามซุ้มเอารางวัล ดูพลุจนงานจะจบ เพื่อนก็จะกลับกันหมดแล้ว
เธอคงไม่รู้ว่าวันนั้น เราก็ยังคิดถึงเธอ คิดว่าเธอคงชอบตุ๊กตามาริโอ้ที่เป็นรางวัลใหญ่ของบางซุ้ม
เราไม่เคยคิดจะอยากได้เลยยยย แต่เราก็แยกจากเพื่อน กลับเข้าไปเล่นจนชนะ หวังจะให้เป็นของขวัญเธอ
ถ้าเธอไม่เอา เราก็ไม่รู้จะเก็บไว้ทำไม อยากได้ก็เปล่า เสียเงิน เสียเวลา เก็บไว้ก็เสียความรู้สึก
เธอบอก...ว่ามีแต่คนทำให้เธอผิดหวังในวันเกิด
แล้วเธอเคยคิดบ้างไม้ ว่าตัวเธอเองก็คอยแต่จะปฏิเสธความหวังดีคนอื่น
เธอบอก...ว่ามีแต่คนทำให้เธอผิดหวังในวันเกิด
เธอคงไม่รู้อีกแหล่ะว่ามีคนทำให้เราผิดหวังทุกๆวัน แม้แต่กับคนที่เราหวังดีด้วยและคอยให้ตลอด ไม่ต้องรอให้ถึงวันเกิดเราหรอก
เธอบอก...ว่าเข้าใจ เข้าใจว่าความสุขอยู่ที่การให้มากกว่าที่การรับ แต่เธอก็ไม่ขอรับเอาไว้
ถ้าความสุขมันอยู่ที่การให้จริง แล้วที่เธอปฏิเสธของที่เราให้มันหมายความว่าอะไร เธอไม่อยากให้เรามีความสุขหรอ
ช่างไม่เข้าใจอะไรเลย

แต่เอาเถอะ นับจากวินาทีนี้จะเป็นวันเกิดเธอ
24 ชั่วโมงของเธอที่เราจะไม่ทำให้เธอผิดหวัง แม้เธอจะไม่ต้องการมันก็ตาม
บางครั้งก็เบื่อ เบื่อตัวเองที่ยังเป็นอย่างนี้ เหนื่อย...เหนื่อยที่คอยแต่จะเป็นคนให้
และเหนื่อยที่สุดกับการให้ที่คนรับไม่ต้องการ

"ความพยายามที่ทำเพื่อเธอ จะขอทำต่อไป แค่มีรอยยิ้มของเธอส่งมา ก็ชื่นใจ..."

Sometimes I wish you'd listened

2009-03-10T22:30:00.002+11:00

Why did you ask me, twice, if you don't care about what I have to say anyway?

girls...

Mario's

2009-03-06T20:36:00.010+11:00

I went out to have a late breakfast today at a place called Mario's on Brunswick st and I saw this menu.
"Tofu ball with soba noodle, bok choi, mushroom, capsicum, chilli and soy"
My mind wondered how asian can one dish gets and how much of a loner would capsicum feels.

While sitting there, my eyes dashed to the side and saw a toilet sign.
Thought one day I will say this to someone.
"I wish we could always be like a toilet sign"
and this was the image in my head.

=)

Michael Schofield wanna-be

2009-02-28T22:14:00.001+11:00

A few days back, I was woken up from my nap by a friend and was told that she got my key stuck in the door. In my half awake half dopey state, I went downstairs and the key sure was stuck.
After trying to turn very hard a couple of times, I decided that I needed to eat dinner first.
=)

There are certain features that you would expect your normal door lock to have and they are the followings:
- the lock can only be opened by your keys alone.
- the key cannot be pulled out from the key hole while turning.
- the key hole cannot be turned once the key is out.

As it turned out, there were some faulty springs inside the lock that got caught, causing the key to get stuck. After pulling apart my door knob, losing a few damaged springs and dropping a few small parts of the lock, this is the state my door lock is currently in.

- it still can be locked from inside and outside.
- an unidentical but similar key may be able to unlock the door from the inside only.
- if lucky, the door can be unlocked from the inside without needing any key at all.
- sometimes the key maybe stuck while retrieving it out of the socket (the inside lock of course). you simply need to wiggle it a bit and hope for the best.

As my friend put it, the state of my door lock may be benefitial to 'a very unlucky burglar who couldnt find the key once he broke into the house via windows'.
I mean, once the burglar got inside the house, the state of the lock from the inside is irrelevant.

The experience was fun tho. This was almost like a puzzle. I love mind games.
Isn't life beautiful?

Ego revived

2009-02-27T18:18:00.006+11:00

Friends think I'm too aggressive with teeth.
Demonstrators didnt think I can do it.
They all have one thing in common. Sterotype.

After my demonstrator concluded that I cut through the side of my patient's tooth, both me and my patient suffered through a great depression for 3 days. I had my doubt of how good I really am and whether I was really overconfident, because that perforation was just one too many. What more, the guy is my presentation case for the end of year exam. It certainly won't look good if I stuffed up. I've been anxious about the endo drought this yr, feeling a bit restless staying away from K files this long. It would be unbearable to refer the patient away.

After getting my patient back to confirm my apparent "mistake" and opened up the tooth, a perfect root canal anatomy was staring at my face. The perfect 4 canals upper molar first seen through my eyes.
The patient is no longer in pain and the previous swelling went away in hrs after the last visit, according to him.
It wasn't a perforation. It was the canal that I found but my demonstrator couldnt find.
I did a perfect access preparation, the best by me to date and so there was a regret, a regret that I lost my cool, a regret that I let other ppl tell me what I can or cant do and in doing so, my patient suffered. It was unfair, to my patient.
I was happy, happy for the fact that I refused to accept my demonstrator's diagnosis and had the energy to prove it.

In the high of proving my demonstrator wrong, I met the new obstacle, a constricted canal which reminded me once again that I'm just a small fish in the ocean. The root canal anatomy isn't as simple as I once thought and there are so much more to learn

The lesson for the day: learn off someone who knows more than you

Alcofree

2009-02-26T22:39:00.006+11:00

I'm sick.
I knew it was coming these last few days but the symptoms were only aggrevated by my lack of sleep last night.
I had to drive an hr to Knox to work today and an hr back.
The throbbing in my head and the nasal sinus were torturing.
Came home at 6pm, needing to sleep so badly only to rush out of the house for study goup meeting with friends but without dinner.
B4 leaving tho, I was desperate for any kind of relief I can get.
The 3 different medicines I used to have as nasal decongestant are of no use.
One was expired at the end of last yr. One, I couldn't find and I suspected expiration was the reason I threw it out. and one would make me drowsy as a side effect + it's not to be taken with alcohol. Just perfect.
With all these sickness and medicines, it seemed faithed not to go on pub crawl tonight.
While scrambling for panadol, I realised alcohol reduces liver functions which metabolise panadol.
Definitely no alcohol tonight.

If we were emoticons

2009-02-23T20:53:00.002+11:00

Hot

2009-02-22T18:10:00.004+11:00

Last month's weather was pretty hot, hitting 40+ on a few of the days.
'Hot' was one of the most overused words of the week and so I came up with a line to answer that.
Ever since I attempted to use it on as many ppl as possible but the weather no longer permits it.
=(

A: Sooooooo HOT!!!!!
B: Me, you or the air in between? :)
A: ...

Lame but thought it was a good idea at the time.

Chemistry

2009-02-18T00:25:00.006+11:00

How can we tell ourselves if the person is a friend or more than 'just friend'?
It really is a cliche but prob is accurate to say 'when you can't stop thinking about the person'.
If by a sudden wake of a moment you had this oh-I-totally-forgot-about-this-person thought then that person is prob not that special to you.
They said you've gotta have chemistry.

What's chemistry?
How can one person have so much influence on another even when they hardly know each other really puzzles me. This chemistry thing is extraordinary. When the person is not around, it heightens the brain function, specifically in the lobe containing all memories of that person. The image of the person becomes crystal clear like somehow you're invisibly connected.

When your eyes see them, even just a quick glance across the room, the 'chemistry' switches on the radar scan in your head, subconsciously extracting blurry images from your peripheral vision and tells you the person's whereabout in the room without looking. More or less like a homing missile locking its target except you want to switch your stupid radar off but your command has been overridden by this 'chemistry' thing.

The funny thing life always throws at you is the fact that when we madly wanna see that person, they are never around. But when we are trying to switch off the radar, that person's presence seems to be lingering around all the time making it impossible to do so. Everything you see, everything you eat, everywhere you go will inevitably remind you of them.

According to a British Journal published in 1998, this 'chemistry' is believed to be a molecule in the body made up of rare elements Lutetium and Vanadium. The bonding strength is usually stable but the reaction taken to achieve that molecular structure requires a catalyst which is yet to be determined. Ever since the discovery, the research has come up with the synthetic model of the molecule composing of Chromium, Uranium, Sulphur and Hydrogen which is more readily available but has a much higher rate of reuptake by the body. No wonder it's only short acting.

Sigh* I'm tired of chemistry.

Lonely day

2009-02-15T23:28:00.002+11:00

I think I wrote a blog for Valentine's day every yr and the msg is the same old same.

Valentine's day is officially a lonely day...
when parents and family are not around,
friends are too busy with their gf/bf,
single friends are too scared to hang out in fear of possible misunderstandings.

Life sux. I played badminton.

Oh dentistry

2009-02-14T01:17:00.003+11:00

Some analogies offered by a friend and by me

#1

Dentistry is like playing poker. Dentists with experience can tackle most problems like most players can win with winning hands. But only good players can win with crappy ones. And that's done with a bit of bluffing and a bit of confidence.

#2

Doing dentistry is like being in a relationship. It sux but you stay in it anyway because you hope tomorrow will get better, though it never does.

Awesomeness

2009-02-13T21:44:00.012+11:00

Please do not read if allergic to high level of arrogance and awesomeness.

I'm awesome
This week, it has been a serie of some awesome fillings, one after another.
Best amalgam effort by me to date. Best Composite build up to date. and Fuji IX too.
How awesome you may ask?
It was demonstrator-asked-how-did-you-do-it awesome.

ok I exaggerated it (a lot) but the point was that I'm happy with the fillings I've done so far
No one will notice it. Pts wont thank me for it. but it's my pride and joy.
After feeling less motivated this yr, this life's little pleasure is what keeps me going from day to day.
The only setback is the time taken to achieve the work.

Of course speed comes with experience but I find that as we move away from educational institution, we are starting to compromise quality for time.
When we are rushing, a filling is just another job and soon we are tired of it. But when we are perfecting, working becomes a pleasure.
I do think that to be a good dentist you need to have skills, speed and most importantly, integrity. That is the ability to uphold the high standard of work and to never compromise.
I'll prob become an anal dentist who spends too much time on one filling and earns little money but I'll be happy.
As stated by my hero, "there's no charge for awesomeness"

I'm awesome... and so I should act accordingly.
By the way, Barney Stinson took that line from me, not the other way around

Spewed yet? I told you so

41 mins left

2009-02-02T23:37:00.003+11:00

A few minutes back, a random icebreaker/chain mail question popped into my head.
"what would you do if you realise the world will end tomorrow?"... and there's only 41 mins left til midnight

"Hug parents. Send caring msgs to friends. listen to good music like John Mayer's." -- Cheeky
Hearing what my friend had to say for herself saddened me for the fact that I havent seen my parents for over a year, havent hugged them for just as long and won't be able to see them b4 I go.
My brother decided to be in Wollongong which makes my closest living relatives a few kms shy of a 1000.
I certainly cannot be bothered sending all the msgs to friends cos the service would prob be jammed cos everyone are thinking of the same thing like on new years eye. Plus I don't think that's how I want to spend my last 40 or so mins. [side story - my friend sent a msg to himself on NYE and it didnt come thru until after 30+ mins.]
and...I dun like John Mayer

For a minute I wondered, How many firsts can I realistically accomplish in 40 minutes.
So here's my version.
I shall run downstairs dialling my mum's home number. Tell mum I love her and thank her for who I am today, while starting up my car. Call dad's mobile cos he's prob still at work telling him pretty much the same thing and also how he never get to see me drive drive a car by myself.
After hanging up, I shall speed the car over 130km/hr for the first time (1st).
Break into uni (1st) [the stopping bars are just plastic anyway] and drive an honourary lap in Batman's tunnel (1st).
Drive past a friend's place on drummond st. Throw a rock at her window, hopefully breaking it (1st) in the process. Yell "thanks". Keep driving towards the city, going past Verve. Attempt to throw rocks at any window (1st) since I dunno which room my friend is in. Yell "thanks" anyway. Sadly those are the 2 close friends that are here now and are on my way to the city.
Once reaching the city, do as many hook turns (1st) as I can in the shortest route possible to Flinder st, honking at the horses (1st) if I see one or two along the way.
Pick up Spanish Churros at Flinder st station (1st) without paying (1st) and keep driving past south bank.
Find her apartment (1st), give her half of the churros (1st) and kiss her (1st).
Her face can be the last I see.

Times up.

It was brutal today

2009-01-28T18:17:00.005+11:00

ah 40 degrees...just when we thought this summers gonna go by in cool breezes,
it was simply not the case.

Melbourne is apparently going thru the driest January in who knows how many yrs.
The bushfire, the ashes, the bursted waterpipe, and my cracked lip.
(which has proven that regardless of seasons, the Australian weather is always dry)

Today was a hot hot hot day...way above the legal temperature limit
Walking out from the comfort of air-conditioned RDHM this afternoon, it reminded me again how human are not meant to live in such condition.

My skin was screaming 'i couldnt take this anymore'
As the hot gusting wind brushed past my face, it felt like all oxygen escaped my body, and hydrogen twice as much.
I dun wan beaches. I dun wan a tan. I just wanna be in a tub full of ice with connetto in my mouth.

Oh sun, it was brutal today

PS. charcoal chicken was good

Ur big, my little

2009-01-21T20:39:00.004+11:00

lately life evolves a lot around kids.
seeing friend's kid, seeing kids at the community clinics, watching a movie about kids in 'role models'
and I'm starting to believe what my dental idol once said. u've gotta love kids. kids r cool.
Even the one I saw today...
That kid in primary care clinic certainly enriched my life.
He was the first kid I attempted to extract the tooth out of.
He has the longest primary tooth I've ever seen to date.
He was the first kid I knew to endure an hour of extraction time yet did not make a scene
Pulling his tooth made me sweat like a p*g and gave me the first cramp in my left forearm.
It was the first tooth I failed to extract and had someone saying to me "oh supa, it's just a baby tooth"
all-in-all an awesome kid. wouldnt have a second thought if I had to do it all again.

On the random note, my friend wrote a song and I thought one line was funny. It said
"I wasn't stalking.
I was just walking...right.. behind.. you" ...hehe

Prince et Princess

2009-01-18T23:28:00.007+11:00

Within these last few months, I knew of at least 5 friends' couples that broke up. At the time, it felt unexpected and sad cos there was a part of me that believes in fairy tales.
My friend has a theory that ppl break up around the end of yr b4 Valentine day comes along but I think it's just the seasons.

ppl get together in spring, not cos it's the 'mating' season but becos it has the happy (no exam...yet) and warm (literally) and flowery feelings to it. It's also becos everyone else are getting together and the devil on ur shoulder tells you to be a little bit jealous.
ppl get together in spring but they don't survive the summer break (as you often see in teen dramas like gossip girl etc).
During the summer break, ppl move away into different environments. Some ppl go home to meet old friends and family. They are happy and busy, so they leave the troublesome routine world and the ppl in it behind, the one involving uni, lectures and exams.
It's like they are closing a book, shelfing a chapter of their lives away with a bookmark and thinking 'I'll get back to it later'.

Relationships are easy(-ier?) when you're together and spend time everyday. It's what you do while you're away to let the other person know you're always there for them that counts.
If you don't do that, you'll find that one day when you reopen the book, it'll be filled with pages of tales and stories, but you're not in it any more.
Life doesn't pause. Love doesn't pause.

It's like Prince Charming getting distracted by disney music and the singing birds in the forest. When he turns up at the castle, he finds that the princess has already been rescued by Shrek... and guess who did the princess married?

Summer '09 I find myself in the same situation as I was 3 yrs ago, only I was a prince then but a princess now

Bin-ing thoughts at Ferntree Gully

2009-01-17T03:52:00.009+11:00

While waiting for the train at Ferntree gully station, some random thoughts creeped to my mind.

If we accidentally got onto the wrong platform, we have to walk/run down the long ramp, cross the rail track at the end of the station and walk/run up the ramp on the other side...which is...quite far.
So if we realise we're on the wrong platform the moment the train appears in our sight, it's all too late unless we jump off the platform, run across and try to climb the platform on the other side directly in front of us.
Here's the thought. An average person should be able to climb up the train platform.
But what about fat ppl. I'm talking obese-baby-elephant fat. They have no chance of making it up onto the platform.
So if the train station is blocked from both ends and we put one fat person down on the track between platforms, we can starve that person to death. right? (oh oh ...more random answer/thought at the bottom)
so mean and random I am.

some other (positive?) thought.
Kids are the coolest beings on earth.
It's only when they grow up that they become idiots, do drugs and follow brandnames.

No. If he's patient enough he can gather all the pebbles around the track, pile them all up and climb out =)

Fantasy world

2009-01-17T00:02:00.006+11:00

Travel log.

6.32 Leave Fish Pond Town. Get onto East Aus current. 800m swim to Uniport
6.35 Caught in the intersection whirlpool. 2mins delay
6.50 Pick up ham&mayo at Delight Island on the way. 5mins delay by bread-loving grandma. Swim at 2x speed
6.59 Pay speed boat fare at booth 7, watching 2 speed boats go by.
6.55 Uniport Speed Boat (schedule)
7.01 on South M speed boat
7.07 Arrive @ Central Underground City. Delayed by the diving bell
7.08 Central Underground City Submarine (schedule)
7.09 Miss BG XPress1 sub.
7.09.30 Swim up. No decompression stop. Inhale extra nitrox.
7.12 Surface and grab the side of the passing speedboat, chasing BG XPress1.
7.16 Dock @ Clock City. Activate water-running no jutsu. Board BG XPress1 30sec b4 leaving
7.17 Clock City Submarine (schedule)
8.08 Dock @ the Hidden Forest City. Hike 800m south.
8.13 Hike past G.B.Woolley hut
8.18 Arrive @ Tooth Town. Meet Davin arriving on personal jet.
8.37 Meet tooth fairies

PC 01

2009-01-14T22:24:00.003+11:00

- Read pts cos they all have 'the most' painful toothache in the world.

- Tell pt when shits happen. so u can go to sleep at night.

- Meet best friends: Amoxicillin, Metronidazole, odontopaste, LA and scalpel blade.

- Try not to think of pus

Leading

2009-01-01T21:55:00.003+11:00

I believe that for anyone to go on living his/her life, he or she needs to have 2 things and I'm not talking about something objective like oxygen or money.
I think we all need to have purposes and hope i.e. a vision of something to aim for and the belief that it's a possibilty.
Someone once said a leader can not lead if he doesnt know where he's going, so in order for me to lead my own life, I think I need to put something down as a reminder.

In 2009, I shall aim to:
- Study dentistry for my patients and myself and not for passing exams
- Learn manual driving and get a full Victorian license by the end of this yr
- Be more financially intelligent
- Regularly exercise in the form other than badminton
- Be more awared of whats going on around me
- Think more about others
- Learn the GowGates technique

Why?

2008-12-29T18:35:00.002+11:00

I wondered why doctors/dentists hav lousy handwriting
and ppl working in the banks all hav round/fat/neat handwriting?
Is handwriting part of the job application criteria? hmmm...

Boxing day

2008-12-26T23:37:00.003+11:00

To get into the spirit of boxing day sale, I decided to head into the city

and I found out that :

Boxing day is the day where 50% of Melbourne population is congested in a few km^2 of city blocks. While the roads were pretty much deserted beyond La Trobe st, you couldn't breathe in the city. There simply wasn't enough oxygen per m^2.

I browsed along Bourke st. and then headed for DFO.

Along the way I counted more than 10 Yaris but only one Swift =(

I must say I was quite content with what I have and didnt look to buy anything in particular but after walking around for a few hours, the temptation was difficult to resist.

I did'nt buy anything tho. Having looked at everything yet cos I was too tired of walking.

2 shops asked to look into my bags. Must be my dodgey face.

GUESS won the longest waiting line of all the shops. The line went all the way out of the shop like ppl lining up to go into the club at night with bouncers guarding the door.

Levi won the most trashed up shop. No hope to find the size you want. Just pull out whatever you can see from the mess and hope it fits.

Going to JB HI-FI and Myer made me realised how much we got sucked into luxurious items. New computer. New Mac. New sound systems. New Wii. New iPhone. GPS Nav was on sale too.

Mindgames wasn't on sale.

I didn't know there's a flight simulator at QV

and me saw no boxing today :-S

X'mas

2008-12-25T15:21:00.008+11:00

X'mas is an important date for many to look forward to every yr.
but X'mas was never special or hold any significance to me.
As I sit down and think back, I cant exactly recall what I did for X'mas, not even last yr.
Ive spent 3 X'mas away from home including this yr.

X'mas '98 was the first yr I came to study in Aus. I cant remember much except that it was 42 degrees and it was something involving me lying in bed with the fan blowing hot air into my face.
In 1998, it was the first time I woke up at 2pm and I felt so ashamed of myself.
Today I woke up at 3pm but am no longer ashamed. What has happened in 10 yrs?

X'mas '06 I was on Fraser Island but what was I doing is just as vague as any other yrs.
Though maybe, it had something to do with this photo

X'mas is a busy time for family, shopping, celebrating etc
and it makes me wonder why does it seem to be the least busy time of the yr for me.

Going back to the basic of life.
We balance our time up for 4 things: yourself, friends, partner and family

Yourself - Time to work. Time to study. Time to relax and do something u want.
Friends - Keeping up with friend circles. For us uni kids, I find that around Xmas is usually the time to catch up with highschool friends.
Partner - *sigh*
Family - Ideally prob consume most of the time during Xmas. Realistically it never makes a difference to me. In these recent yrs, I find that cousins r moving away overseas. With the passing away of my uncle and grandma, I wonder what it would be like at home this yr.

and there, the answer to my question is so simple.
My family is not here.
GF...not sure I hav one
Most friends are overseas, not that I hav many in the first place. A recent conversation with one of the 2 friends I sorta keep in touch with from Primary school pointed something out. The 3 of us are growing apart. Clearly, we r not even in the same continent anymore. One in Aus. One in UK and one in US.
Myself. The work is there but the motivation isnt immediate. The long list of things to do over the holiday is left on the top of the cabinet, catching dust. I certainly procrastinate in every aspects of my life. Gotta get rid of this habit.

Secret X'mas wish: To spend one Xmas somewhere with snow

I'll always remember...

2008-12-20T19:26:00.008+11:00

Trips with my frens usually involve me organising it but this time, I was just on for the ride
so..... not-so-surprisingly, it was one of the most carefree and enjoyable trip in yrs.
No place to be. No schedule to keep up. Nothing to worry about.
Just the smell of the sea, beach, sunshine and the wind going thru ur hair.

When I look back at Torquay '08 I'll always remember....

Pat playing Tetris at the back of his 4WD,
How far Shirley's house was from the city,
Shirley's Jay Chou posters,
The cute little blue Yaris and how it kicked butts,
How Victor cut the line in front of Bunnings guy at Hungry Jack,
How toothpick coffee was better than the coffees I drank during the trip,
1 Aquilla Ave,
How cold the water was,
How I got burnt,
Beautiful girls in mirky brown colour water,
The marinated lamb (with secret ingredient),
Scary black nails,
How Fobs + Fop won and the thing Shirley does after dinner date,
Straights, Flushes, Full houses and nothing,
Cosmo special edition,
Living room couch,

Jumping Tania's and Shirley's bed,

Ice cream with pancakes,
Too many jumping photos,
How we drive to Lorne just for Fish n Chips at Salty dog,
I need massage,
Scary emo ppl,
Booby trap, mad cow and Gracey 11/12,
Creamy shooters and Jager Bombs,
Adventure park and the superb flying fox,
The dishwashing machine,
How the Great wall crumbled,
Mt. Molar,

Team S.Tiff,
How many cans of Redbull and Mother Pat drank (Interestingly, he doesnt drink Superman or V)
How Kelly cant do accounting :P
and...
How hard it was to leave all of that behind...

Girls...

2008-12-14T00:22:00.006+11:00

Inspired by Fill My Sorrow, With The Words You Borrowed

Girls sux even though they r smart. Girls act stupid and innocent so teachers feel sori and help them out. Girls shop all day, keep asking me what I think even though they've already made up their minds and they dun buy the thing anyway. Girls dun reply my msg but whine when I dun reply theirs. Girls dun notice my haircut even though its almost a skin head but they get upset if I dun notice their tiny hair trim straight away. Girls r manipulative, scheme and toy with my feeling. Girls r needy and pushy, always wanting things their ways. Girls dun appreciate the things I do for them. Girls call u up for lunch then say they r gonna be late, blaming the traffic and their laziness and in the end, cancel the lunch altogether. Girls keep saying they r f*t when they r not. Girls tell u u look shit and stink everyday. Girls cant get over their bf even though they r unhappy. Girls prob won't forgive me for writing this blog. Girls always win. Girls smile and make me feel all fuzzy and warm. Girls do the things they dun like for me. Girls dress up and put on make-ups for me even though they r already beautiful the way they r. Girls say "keep going" and make me feel like I can do anything. Girls bake cookies and didnt say "no". Girls r nothing like what I expected. Isnt this why I keep coming back for more?

Pandora Box

2008-12-13T22:28:00.010+11:00

A Bible or Pandora Box? I questioned myself today

This afternoon I was paid a visit by one of my seniors who recently graduated and is about to move back home.
She gave me a big pile of photocopied books so I was going thru them one by one.
Until I came across the last big black folder sitting innocently at the bottom of the colgate bag.
After I opened up the cover, I soon realised this is the collection of concise written summaries of every disciplines in dentistry throughout the 5 yrs course neatly organised in tabs and although concise, the collection was an inch and a half thick. Sori if I've forgotten to mention that she graduated as the top student in dental science 2008. I was in awe and speechless. The amount of knowledge blinded me. It almost felt like Po when holding a dragon scroll. The notes included summaries from all journals, textbooks and lecs she read. In the next 12 months or so until I graduate, I think that I would struggle to finish reading her summaries alone and the important word to highlight is "summary". Doesn't that kinda hit u in the face and open ur mind to magnitude of what the full content of dental knowledge could be? If this is what it takes to become a dentist then I hardly know enough.
There I wondered...although this thing in my hand is like a Bible of dentistry, its also a Pandora box. Once opened, it revealed to me an awful truth of how ignorant I really am. While she graduated as a dentist, I on the other hand still hold the knowledge of a first yr student compared to her. How sad...

Another mischievous thought came to me.

What if this folder is passed on from generation to generation of students and becomes the legendary ghost book every kids r talking about. The book that holds such power as to grant, when in the right hands, an ability to excel in dentistry. Some say its there but some say it doesnt exist. The book that every good dental students dream about and not-so-smart students cry for...

Tham, Dentistry 1'08

Crazy and still like you

2008-12-03T18:44:00.004+11:00

You told me you need time. You told me not to hope or expect.
Yes, we can be frens. I can act like frens but no...
I like you more than just frens. I have to think that way cos the day I stop thinking that way, I'm gonna stop trying and then there won't be us. I just hope...really hope that I can like you long enough for you, to like me and never ever let me let you go.

Maybe cos

2008-11-30T22:01:00.004+11:00

How was it?

today was better...definitely better
maybe cos its the different speaker
maybe cos its the second time as opposed to the first
maybe cos its the fresh sunday morning as opposed to the gloomy saturday night

maybe cos I get to see u ...hehehe

*sigh* how can I tell u that I actually meant it...

Msn Quotes

2008-11-26T20:20:00.000+11:00

Exam's Quotes 2008

Ligament damage from written exams

Odontogenic pain = Anorectal pain

Biological width: As wide as my attention span

If you are going through hell, keep going - Winston Churchill

What if E has to go?

To the battle field

Won the battle. Losing the war?

Orthodontic Tx with a pen: The Supa's method

Too many bad dreams about Endo and Oral Med

Sleep @ sunrise

When you say nothing at all

Exams -> too much studying -> forget to pay rent -> evicted -> no place to study -> fail exams

Remembered everything but the exam seat number

Praying wouldn't hurt

Only just started cario. Digging myself holes again.

Who cares about public dental health? hmm good question...

What if I...

2008-11-24T01:00:00.002+11:00

What if I'm not it?
What if I'm just your distraction?
What if I'll never be
your God's creation?

What if I can't serve?
Would I hold you back?
Would you ever forgive me
for the faith that I lack?

What if I can never believe
all the things he says?
Would that makes me unacceptable
tomorrow and today?

Lonely black rock

2008-11-22T22:27:00.003+11:00

How can u mix a black rock into a bowl of white paint?
If its just a drop of black paint then slowly over time, it'll blend into one consistent mixture.
but what about a rock which is black to its core...
u may paint it white but it'll only be white on the outside
u may grind the rock into tiny powders
to the extent that when mixed, the consistency is of a smooth white colour
but then its no longer a rock
How?

what if I'm just a tiny speck of dust......not to the world............nor to the universe........................ but to u

Mocha

2008-11-18T00:20:00.002+11:00

Mocha = 1/3 Espresso + 2/3 Milk + Chocolate (cariogenic)
Latte = 1/3 Espresso + 2/3 Milk (anti-cariogenic)

She likes Mocha no sugar
Me like Latte 1 sugar

Guess we r even

Exam 2008

2008-11-15T19:19:00.003+11:00

This is the first time I study for exams when I'm not living in college.
Despite the fact that the exams cover the content of this whole yr worth of study and the previous years, so far I find it to be the most productive and enjoyable exams.

I'm not sure what it is..
not distracted by college network?
not distracted by frens?
not distracted by frequent snack times they provided at college?
maybe I actually enjoy the stuffs I study for exams?
maybe its the SMSs?
maybe its cos I finally took my mum advice
that is to study however best suits u
I no longer try to stay up, wake up or feel guilty about it.
I work long night shift between 6pm til 6am so sleeping til 2pm is justisfied
The quicker I stop resisting the better I feel.
I have NEVER slept well or enough b4 exams since I've been in uni...
Its always cramming the last minutes. This time around I wake up b4 2pm and go to exam hall fresh =)

Soooo............

Exam 2008 = 6pm til 6am + me + my notes + orange highlighter + oxford handbook of clinical dent + therapeutic guidelines + generous amount of snacks + SMSs + Norwegian recycling's 'how 6 songs colllide' + 'when u say nothing at all'.
..........surprisingly no coffee

Rainy day

2008-11-03T15:30:00.002+11:00

She said rain is good...nice and cool...
I said rain is bad cos I cant ride my bike
but then... I can walk and hold an umbrella for her all day =)

Love burns brighter than sunshine

2008-11-01T02:21:00.006+11:00

Love can burns brightly like sunshine

or love can burns in agony.

A burning heart goes out too quickly.

Love should burns slowly and harmlessly

like a tealight,

long enough for me

to learn something about u

and myself

in deeper meanings.

Doesn't matter what we r

2008-10-30T18:02:00.004+11:00

Some ppl had been married for over 10 yrs and yet, they divorced
while others never got married but were together, had kids and lived happily ever after.

A wise woman once told me that it's what you do that counts.
Some ppl are together everyday but fail to look after each other, physically and emotionally
while other ppl who dun hav much time make what little time they have together meaningful.

so it doesn't really matter what she thinks of me.
Since the day she baked me cookies, I knew my life werent gonna be the same.
To me, shes a special person.
I'd treat her like one but also give the space she needs.
Although I cant expect things from her cos she may not feel the same way
but I can just give as much as I can and be happy in doing so.

Happiness potion: Expect a little less. Give a little more. Slow but steady, selflessly and pure.

On the plate

2008-10-26T00:17:00.003+11:00

Courage means the state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.

I like the definitions there cos I realised that the fear in us has never really gone away.
It's always there. Some days u triumph and some days u regress.
Sometimes u can be courageous...just for a brief moment and that's all that matters.
My fren said that going up to say u like someone is like offering ur heart on the plate to be stabbed

I've never been stabbed cos I never put my heart out there.
I regressed and got used to being disappointed.
Keeps holding on to my heart b4 I get hurt, but I know it slowly bruises
to the point where I'm not sure which is worse, bruising or being stabbed.
My fren also said that noone gets a second stab at her heart.
But for me, if I have to get stabbed once or twice now to get what I never have, then so be it.

Today I found out I lost 2kg.
Giving a piece of urself away sure makes u feel lighter...

A little love

2008-10-25T01:02:00.003+11:00

เวลามีเรื่องควรใช้สติอย่าใช้อารมณ์ และเวลาที่เรารักใครต้องเผื่อใจไว้ด้วยและอย่าลืมที่จะรักตัวเองด้วย

รักจากแม่

When there're problems, use senses and reasons, not emotions. When you love someone, never forget to also love yourself.

With love, mum

Mysterious box

2008-10-21T00:55:00.018+11:00

First there was a mysterious box

and then there were 5 random objects...Crayon, Bubble thingy, Tealight, Cocktail umbrella and Red ribbon.

and then came the inspirations...

SOFA:

The girl in the pix is Tania Bong who kindly offered me a place to take most of the photos.

NEW GEN:

The pix didnt come out the way I wanted but the idea is there.

LOVE BURNS BRIGHTER THAN SUNSHINE:

Inspired by Aqualung's lyrics. Didn't come out the way I wanted.

How I took the pix? With difficulty.

Isn't it interesting how "Love burns" can hav a positive and a negative meaning?

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:

My favourite idea out of this whole thing. Experimented with the bulb mode.

FOR YOU:

This idea came very late as my original plan was scrapped. Won't explain this pix.

A pix tells a thousand words.

And then there were some other unsubmitted ideas

(Just to clarify that this photo was shot for an artistic purpose only. The content is fictional)

And other by products of this photoholic week...

Check out - http://www.canon.com.au/photo5/

If u just checked out the site, u'll realise i hav no hope.

but if by some unbelievably obscure chance that any of my photos made it to the top 40,

please vote for me :-D

Can I tell you how happy I am?

2008-10-17T18:09:00.004+11:00

Perio patient case presentation

My exam was at 4.30pm.
I didn't realised we r not allowed to treat the patient b4 the exam so I booked him in at 2pm .
My patient turn up and told me he couldnt be here until 4pm and left.
The examination supposed to go for 30mins...15mins for the examiners to have a look in the patient's mouth and 15 mins to ask us questions
In the absence of the patient, I got the whole 30 mins worth of questions...whatever it maybe ...related...unrelated
....come in....and lets have a "chat".....they said
It felt like walking through mine fields
It felt like dodging London bombing in WWII
It felt like being Ned Kelly on his final day

Stayed up 2 nights til 4am to write up summary notes for the case but they didnt even take a look.

Despite going thru 30 mins of questions bombardment, I'm still in one piece and happy to say that they didnt ask anything "too" unreasonble.

Again, me being overly whiny...they were nice demonstrators...just that they like to fish (for more questions)

Diagnosis for the day: Moderately Aggressive Periodontists

..

2008-10-15T15:37:00.003+11:00

I'm good......full stop
I'll keep saying it until I believe it
cannot......will not let anyone tell me I'm not, especially not the stupid demonstrator.
who r we...if we lose our ways?
who r we...with broken spirits?

My blood for milkshake

2008-10-03T18:15:00.005+10:00

After much procrastination I finally went to donate blood for the second time in my life.

My first was back in 2004 after when tsunami hit Thailand's southern west coast.
The experience wasnt so pleasant then cos it took me ages to fill up the bag.
And to my embarassment, it didnt even fill up. The nurse just let me go.
That's prob part of the reason why I havent donate anymore since then.
the other reason being cos I'm lazy

Today I found out a few things

Having an O blood group doesnt mean I can give it to anyone, only O (-ve) can give it to all receipients.
In return, that selfless blood group can only take from their own. :-(
I dunno if I'm O (+ve) or O (-ve) but ill find out in a couple of days.
On the contrary, AB (+ve) is the complete opposite of O (-ve)

Doing the questionaire was easy. A lot of the questions they asked were the same as what I asked my own patients.

Mrs X: Have you seen a dentist recently?
Me: yes
Mrs X: What did you have done?
Me: oh just a chat with frens.
Mrs X: ......

Mrs X: Have u been in surgery recently?
Me: yes
Mrs X: What did you have the surgery for?
Me: I pulled my patient's teeth out
Mrs X: u idiot

And boy do they ask lotsa sex questions...sex with a female, sex with a male, sex on the tree, sex with the monkey...so on & so on
Oh and Thailand is considerd a HIV country :-)

The chair..... The chair they seated u in was very comfortable.
If I didn't have a needle in my arm, I wouldve fallen asleep
Ahhh the needle...my patients whined bout a tiny 30 gauge needle.
The needle they punctured me with was 16 gauge, roughly bout the size of a Pocky stick if u know what that is.

This time I actually filled up the bag and the phrase "suck you dry" was quite appropriated.
My arm felt cold and really weak I couldnt squeeze the ball they gave me.

Afterwards I got to have refreshments.
Even though they have a list of menu, I just picked milkshake and biscuits.
They took about 450ml of my blood.
They exchanged with milkshake.......not a bad deal

Save some lives...Save the world...............and get milkshake :-D

27/10/08: O(+ve) I am

Coward :-(

2008-09-28T00:38:00.003+10:00

A: I'm sorry. Was there something you wanted to say....to anyone here?
B: No, there wasn't
A: Coward
B: shut up

B: you really are the last person who should be giving romantic advices.
A: When I like somebody I make sure they know it. Life is too short to live it any other way.
B: What if he doesn't like me back
A: Then he's an idiot

oh

Invincible

2008-09-18T23:52:00.002+10:00

Some days, things just dun go wrong
Its like the horoscope telling u that ull have an awesome day
then u go out to make the most out of it
Sometimes, u just feel...invincible

Complications of the heart

2008-09-16T23:21:00.007+10:00

It's said that a heart attack can change a man's life... but a heartache doesn't
we keep going back for more...

there's an objective side of the heart that is a four chambers lump of muscle
and there's a subjective side of the heart that is the container of our soul.

Its funny how a person experiencing a heart attack shows a deterioration in physical health but
can shows a profound positive change in mental health
as u may see that some of these ppl enjoy whats little left of their lives more than us who have 50 yrs ahead of ourselves.
In contrast, a healthy heart tissue in some ppl may not contain a healthy soul.

the more I study about a heart, the less I understand it......scientifically and abstractly

000

2008-09-11T16:55:00.004+10:00

ppl dun clean their teeth... why?
and why do they always think we can fix all of their problems?

a number of pt asked me how long should u brush ur teeth for?
and i asked back... how long does it take to wash your shoes?
the simple answer is ...as long as it takes til its clean
time isnt the issue. cleanliness is. they r missing the point

one pt always said "i cant clean. i cant clean. u have to clean for me"
I joked back saying... would u like me to brush ur teeth for u everyday?
he actually said yes. and i said ill do it at the dentist rate.

In the shower one day, I had a thought and this thing came up
Dentists r like firefighters. we do damage control.
which means that the problem has already occured.
even if the fire was put out, ur still gonna be left with a burnt down whatevers left of the house
teeth r no diff. once we cut it, dun expect it to grow back
and the next time u come back, the holes gonna get bigger
if ur serious about keeping ur house/teeth then u'd better do something about it
I dun see ppl calling a firetruck everyday cos like dentistry, its bl**dy expensive

So if u left the gas on everyday, dun expect us to always put the fire out for u

When she cried

2008-09-09T21:17:00.008+10:00

when did u last saw someone cried?
me? a very long time (not including myself or those seen on TV)

tears mean a lot of things
tears from me generally mean i'm sleepy
tears from pts generally mean physical pain
we see it everyday. I see it everyday and i thought i've become immuned to it.
but when I saw that tear running down her face, the feeling I've long forgotten revived in me
the inability to breathe as if someone was sitting on my chest
my heart felt heavier
my brain unable to think, flooded with useless emotional action potential firing crap
the weight on my shoulders
and the sympathy I felt
not the oh-poor-you or the fair-enough kinda sympathy but the I-dun-ever-want-to-see-you-cry kinda sympathy
I dun get it a lot but the image of someone close experiencing a genuine emotional pain and being so vulnerable was overwhelming
A hug then seems like a right and also a wrong thing to do.

as much as we like to deny it, the invisible bond between us is there
cant see it but its definitely stronger than SE bond

The law..The wheels..& extra strawberry

2008-08-27T00:53:00.004+10:00

Recently, there is a serie of events that occured as I was thinking about them and I thought.....hmm funny

I've been thinking in the clinics for a while now that I had to explain to pts about dental diseases and more often than not, they got lost with my words (seems to have that effect), especially with this perio pt I had. He doesnt have a single clue about teeth but stubbornly said that I havent done my job cos the tooth wasnt healing. Now how am I gonna explain to him the Endo-Perio lesion?

we had a lecture on the jaw joint around last week and the lecturer mentioned about educating pts as a part of ur treatment. He gave an example that its kinda stupid for a pt whos walking in with a jaw joint problem to be constantly chewing gum.
and I thought...why would ppl chew gum? I never had the urge to chew one even if it was offered occasionally by my frens

Lo and behold.... I got a show bag with the dental diseases picture cardboard thingy and a truck load of chewing gums (sugar free of course)
I used the cardboard diagrams that afternoon with the pt and now I'm impulsively chewing gum. (strawberry flavour is pretty good)

While stuck at the traffic light, the thought came to me......maybe I shouldn't be chewing gum while I'm riding a bike (chewing*)... what if i was caught by a surprise...say by a car or something and accidentally swallowed the gum (still chewing*)......I'd be as good as dead (the jaw joint is getting a bit sore now*)

sori to disappoint u but I didnt swallow the gum as I was thinking about it but I pondered.
If u have the gum stuck in ur throat, no amount of CPR is gonna save u. so what can i do?
there has to be an answer to this or the next person I see who swallowed chewing gum is gonna die in a matter of minutes.

even though it may sounds stupid now, I thought I had a solution at the time.
I came up with tracheostomy.
I'd always wanted to do one...u know...poke the biro tube through the cartilage thingy like in the movie.
but then again...would I do that if I see a person needing one.
cos even though they will die anyway without my help, they can conveniently blame that my lousy technique accelerated it.

......"please save my son. he's a good boy. he's only 12. I dunno what i'm gonna do without him....blah blah blah", said the weeping, begging mum
"ok now I'm not confident with this but I might be able to help him"
"anything...plssss...anything at all"
"stand back maam....and watch....a live tracheostomy"
2 mins later --> dead
weeping mum turns into a feisty tigress..."u killed him !!!! I'm gonna sue u !!! "
Its hard to do good deeds sometimes in this world we live in.

This week... a lecture on medico-legal issues. (see what I mean?)
The answer to my puzzle. I dun have any duty of care to that person whatsoever.
There is a good samaritan law that protects me if I decide to help given that I do what I'm comfortable of doing ie. help within my limit of training

so tracheostomy is a no no :-(

Note: Its prob more accurate to describe what I intended to do as cricothyroidotomy rather than tracheostomy

Thank you

2008-08-20T20:45:00.004+10:00

I know that being a dentist I probably never will be as appreciated or receive thank you cards/presents from patients as much as my dad who saves ppl from cancer on the daily basis
but todays the first time I've got something from my patient (theres always a first time)...my denture patient...maybe my last denture patient for the rest of the course
The act of giving and words of encouragement meant so much to me emotionally
cos its reminding me that I'm doing goods, I'm doing the right thing and I'm making a difference

and then I find that

patients give presents cos they appreciate your work and whatever uve done was life-changing
In dentistry I only see denture patients do so......
other than that, maybe aesthetic dentistry...like Dr. Terry Wong
but ppl dun give presents for ur fillings or 10yrs worth of monitoring, fluoride and check-ups.

sadly, denture is something we r moving away from...

.

2008-08-13T23:19:00.000+10:00

I'm good... full stop
not gonna let anyone tell me otherwise

Religious moment

2008-08-12T20:17:00.003+10:00

Regardless of our religious believes,
all dental students pray together in front of the Xray developing machine during endo clinics
5 mins of silence and faith
u cannot continue working, u cannot do anything, u just pray

and hope that after 5 mins when the tiny black thing comes out; there's no underexposure, overexposure, superimposition, elongation, cone cut, underfill, overfill......or missed the tooth altogether......

Don't Look

2008-08-11T18:35:00.005+10:00

Don't look cos u wont find it......whatever it is that ur looking for

Patient's phone number...
I swear I wrote it in my record notebook...
when I was calling the patient...
fliping through the pages, over and over and over...couldnt find it
got home and there it was... staring at my face

bloody hell...
one minute, the tooth model was in my hand...the next minute, it was gone
kept looking over the pile of models 2-3 times...couldnt find it

Went back at the end of the day
there it was, in the very same pile I looked for ealier
5 minutes after I found my model, I lost my Listerine pen

couldnt do anything right today

A nice quote from Dr. John Matthews (ADA President)
"I hope that by the end of these 5 years, u'll realise . If u do it for the money, u wont' last. u'll find that u'll burn out pretty quickly....... u have to believe that ur doing something good"

Arms and Legs

2008-08-03T20:55:00.008+10:00

I once again wish for my dream lost-property-locating device
If the bike wheels are my legs and badminton rackets are my arms, then I'm an amputee today

The loss of my two Nanospeed 7000, together with my badminton membership came to me as a terrible shock this afternoon...no warning
I have totally no account of what happened to it since the last time I used it, which was last saturday....obviously cos its not something I would notice on a daily basis
but somewhere between the badminton court, safeway and my house, the rackets had gone walk-about

Apart from eating, sleeping and procrastinating, the next closest thing to a routine is playing badminton on the weekend.
Now that it has gone I have no idea what I'm gonna do. I feel like a half broken man

I've gone thru the 5 stages of grief
Denial - I was in denial, frantically searching around the house 3 times and at safeway and at the badminton court. I was looking for it in the toilet. Any sane person would surely call me stupid
Anger - angry, I was, for being so careless and took it for granted
Bargaining - I secretly wished that if the rackets turn up, I would stop youtubing and study hard for the rest of the night (which I know doesnt sound like much...im not good at bargaining)
Depression....what can I say
and Acceptance...

In times like these, I know what my mum would say
she would tell me to do what I found to be the hardest thing to do which is letting go.
but the faster I accept that the better off Ill be
cos as expensive as it maybe, its merely an object which is replaceable

looking on the bright side, I left my melb uni badminton club membership and the sport centre swipe card with the rackets.
A half decent person who picked it up would prob know where to return it to....*fingers crossed*

Only sympathy

2008-07-30T23:55:00.010+10:00

As rewarding as treating emergency pts may be,
its never fun to treat pts presenting with pain... especially when u caused it

10 yrs from now... long into my career, I prob will never forget this patient I hav
she was the first patient I treated since 2nd yr
and in the 2 yrs Ive seen her, her mouth is almost a living proof of all my mistakes, my clinical incompetence...a reminder to myself to do better next time
In a way, I really owe her my career given that ive tried just about all treatment types ive ever learnt on her

Since the 2nd yr, I scaled and root planed her teeth for over a yr
when I learnt about root caries, there she was...my first clinical case of sort
when I learnt of patients with hyposalivation, she was one...always was one... I was just too dumb to recognised it in the 2nd yr when I first saw her
she was the first patient who seriously challenged my operative skill
one poorly accessed, packed and marginalised filling after another followed by a root canal treatment because of my failed interventions
I prob will make a crown or extract her tooth some times in the near future too...perhaps making her a denture

My perio treatment didnt 'heal' and she came back with root caries
I learnt then that I shouldve applied fluoride after root planning
The root caries were the deepest I'd ever attempted to fill. I couldnt isolate, or fill the tooth well
my second attempt failed just as miserably.
I learnt then how to adapt the matrix band well and the method of packing GIC
She was still in pain because the fillings were very close to the pulp
In the end, I had to take the pulp out and wasted all the treatments I tried before hand
In the process, I perforated the root and learnt once again how to refine my endo access preparation

I had an argument with the demonstrator over the treatment option and was really annoyed The tooth had no long term prognosis. I couldnt make a crown for her even if root canal treatment was successful.
I tried filling it 3 times, I knew how far down the margin of the tooth was.
If I took the tooth out, the gum condition of the surrounding teeth may improve as well as her cleaning. The demonstrator told me to keep it.
This situation is classic. Never root canal treated the tooth that cannot be restored.

Prof Morgan's lecture this week really put a lot of things in perspective too.
In public dental health, we are concentrating on treating the population and not the individuals. we cant afford luxuries in public health and should be spending time treating patients to an acceptable level of dental health instead of wasting money, time and resources on teeth with hopeless prognosis.

If Dr. Stacey reviewed this patient in the final year case presentation, I will never be qualified as a dentist.
This patient is a classic example of what not to do in term of treatment planning.
-A patient with poor oral hygiene but has a mouth full of root filled teeth which prob will fall out in a yr or so

Just last week, I filled another tooth with root caries. I told her that the radiographic evidence showed that there was a decay underneath the filling.
Though I thought I did a good fill on that tooth, she called up this week with severe radiating pain coming from that tooth and a facial swelling.
The pulp was taken out in primary care. Again, this raised a question whether I should've filled it.
The patient was asymptomatic. Most patients would not be happy if they get pain after the dentist intervened with the tooth which was initially fine.
By leaving the tooth in a diseased but asymptomatic state, we may be able to buy more time for the tooth, maybe for a better restorative technology......who knows

I learnt... not to let these things bother me...
cos theres nothing to be sori for
cos I still believe that clinically it was the right thing to do...to attempt a fill

so...No regret, only sympathy

07-08-08 : I was right. The tooth prognosis was poor but who wouldve imagined it giving away so soon. The patient came back with fractured fillings all around the tooth. It has been extracted today.

Illusion

2008-07-29T05:58:00.003+10:00

Had one of the best dreams today
pictures of me. pictures of you.
As wishful as I may be,
sadly it'll never come true

Pause away

2008-07-24T12:32:00.005+10:00

Today, us dental students were given a talk on the topic of communication by an external speaker

The key idea for the seminar was to "pause and relax"
She said that the occasional pauses allow us to think about what we are about to say
and at the same time, consider what others were saying. This trains us to be mindful, to be patient and good listeners

We started off the exercise by meditating for several minutes
The speaker guided our thoughts using the sound of a bell and her descriptive instructions which overall, was pretty much like being hypnotised
Once my body was relaxed, two immediate effects were apparent.
I felt sleepy and I also felt like farting

We then continued to the next activity which was kinda like speed dating
We engaged in a conversation with another fren whom we don't know very well...
of course, since this was about "pause and relax"
there were breaks in between, marked by the bell sound

some findings:
- in our needs to fill the silence, we tend to talk a lot of junks and unnecessary stuffs out of habits
- we are all eager to get into a conversation, to have control of the conversation, to impress and to project ourselves in a certain way
- i'm normally quiet but when Im saying something, I usually have a lot to say
- its frustrating when i dun get to say all i want to say. this blog is a good example. whats left in my head goes in the bin.
- conversation provokes thoughts which allow the conversation to continue. unfortuanately the thoughts provoked were usually about ourselves rather than interests in others. we then go on to talk about ourselves rather than asking or elaborating what the other person just said.
- when I paused, my brain also paused. there were no thoughts nor considerations whatsoever. Just pure blankness and awkwardness. when we pause, its often interpreted as a signal for others to say something even though they dun hav anything to say.
- therefore i think slowing down works better than pausing.

Towards the end of the session, my fren asked a question which made me realise
When the speaker herself was giving the talk earlier on in the session, she actually paused quite frequently

...No wonder I felt asleep

PS. "Be mindful of your thoughts..." - Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the clones, LucasFilm Ltd 2002)

พระเอก

2008-07-18T19:18:00.003+10:00

ดูละครมาหลายเรื่องแล้วรู้สึกน่ารำคาญ
มีแต่คนมาชอบพระเอก นางเอก อยู่นั่นแหล่ะ
แล้วก็เข้าใจผิดกันไป เข้าใจผิดกันมา
เห็นแล้วก็ขอเป็นพระรองดีกว่า ดูชีวิตมีความสุข เรียบง่ายกว่าเยอะ
แล้วก็ไม่ใช่ว่าแฟนพระรองจะไม่สวย คนอื่นตามันถั่วเอง... เฮ้อ...

The 4th pothole

2008-07-14T19:03:00.005+10:00

Through iron core and butter field, he drilled
In search of a map...in search of thrill
Through the mine field, he dug around
One..two..three....four potholes he found
But his mind was only playing tricks
There's no DP canal in 26
Too soon to celebrate, he realised
It was a perforation in disguise

สิ่งตรงข้าม

2008-07-04T19:03:00.002+10:00

สิ่งตรงข้ามกับ..."รัก"... ไม่ใช่... "เกลียด"...แต่เป็น... "เฉยเฉย"

sms

2008-07-02T14:57:00.006+10:00

Been deleting msg from my inbox and it saddened me how time flies
every times i sit back and clear the inbox, its like replaying my life in the past month/few months

clearly, its been too long since I last played games...

happened over a month ago
- the soccer game and dinner with dent frens
- the last time I got together with Thai frens
- some med frens left for home
- the passing of my club committee's term and the messy paper work

I saw a msg for dinner at fren's place around swot vac time...
they were so stressed
now they've finished and gone home and what have I done?...nothing worthwhile

The month of June has passed...I didnt monitored my mood... cos i thought the graph would be too unrealisitcally positive
as it turned out, prob more like a crater...with Po standing on a tiny spike in the middle of it

Extinction

2008-06-27T00:15:00.004+10:00

Yesterday was the first time I had Starbucks coffee and a good long afternoon coffee chat
Went there with 2 frens to celebrate finishing exams (why was i there then?) and really...it was more of a get-together to plan out her post exam activities for the next couple of days
Had a "meaningful" conversation there (for 3 hrs) which I now cant remember much (only remember the useless bits)
but heres a piece of it

A: man Im 22 already but I still feel so young
B: what do u mean "young"?
A: as in I dun feel like Im 22 yet
C: me too...still feeling so immature...
A: I bet that within 5 yrs, at least one of our frens wouldve gotten married
C: That would be 27 yrs old. Isn't that a bit early?
B: nah... thats about right...
C: I cant imagine myself getting married then
A: well u dun have to worry...ur a guy...u can get married when ur older
B: like a 30 yrs old marrying a 25 yrs old girl or something
C: arrhh but Im immature though. I need to get a mature gf
A: hehe mature girls dun go for immature guys
C: really?!@#*@ what would immature guys normally do then?
A: they go for younger girls like those bimbos who r even more immature than themselves
C: s**t
B: or theyll have to be really rich or really good looking
C: s**t ...what would ugly, immature and poor guys do then?
A: they go extinct
C: oh

my fren, she concluded that I should marry a rich girl

Moral of the story: Life always has solutions

What to say

2008-06-23T21:05:00.003+10:00

Depressed in a non-depressing kinda way
Dun have exams but ve got assignments.
While everyone else are finishing up exams, I have yet to begin my work

Haven't been sleeping well. my bodyclock is screwed
sleep at 7am wake up at 7pm.
sleep at 7pm wake up at 3am
sleep at 10.30am wake up at 5pm
kept waking up every 2-3 hours
14 hrs stretch but Im still tired
My life lacks vitamin D of late

Badminton sux. or rather... I sux
Euro'08, every teams I went for...lost (plss gimme decent teams to watch in the final)
Kung fu panda has been the biggest plus in my life this last week which is sad
The pursuit of happiness inspired me for 30 mins after which I felt asleep having read 3 pages of journal paper
Maybe I should go make special tray just to make myself feel better again
which now reminds me that my last denture got rejected
Now that's sad too

A guide to understanding the previous blog, maybe

2008-06-13T02:15:00.004+10:00

Pharmacology - a study discipline to do with drugs
Paracetamol - a drug for pain relief (commonly known as panadol)
Amoxycillin - a commonly used penicillin (kills bacteria)
Triamcinolone Acetonide - forget the name. its just a paste u put at the site of ulcer. helps heal it
Histamine - a substance produced by the body to fight off external assault. can cause blocked nose due to increasing amount mucous (clear coloured fluid) released
Bioavailability - how much drug is actually absorbed by the body and takes effect
Psychoactive - affect the brain basically
Nerd - a person who understands the previous blog

now that I've looked at it again. u wouldnt understand most of the words anyway even if I tried to explain them. maybe thats why health professionals get paid so much

PS. ur either a nerd or ur not
PSS. Just watched 'Definitely, Maybe'... good movie

In possession of banned drugs

2008-06-09T15:21:00.004+10:00

If u dun understand this blog, take comfort in knowing that ur not a nerd*

While reading my 2007 Oral and Dental Therapeutics guideline, it drew on my curiosity of all the medications I hav in my cupboard. See...being a kid with a doctor as parent, I get medicine from dad whenever I'm sick and I just take for granted that hes doing the right thing.

But I'm a soon-to-be health professional and I should do better than just taking my dad's words for it.
so I had a look in my medi stash I brought from Thailand. There are...

1) Tylenol, which is a brandname for 500g paracetamol in Thailand (prob imported from US or something)
2) Cavumox, (500g amoxycillin + 125g clavulanic acid)
3) Buscopan 10mg for relief of abdominal pain/spasm
4) Travacalm (Hyoscine HCl 300mcg)...the med i bought b4 I went scuba diving (prevent car/seasickness) which essentially does the same thing as Buscopan in a much lower dose
5) Triamcinolone Acetonide in Orabase 0.1% for my occasional ulcer I used to get frequently but not so much now. Its interesting that I've been learning about this drug without knowing that Ive been using one all along

and
3 medications which aim to do the same thing (nasal decongestant)...Cetrizet, Sudafed PE and Actifed

Cetrizet (Cetirizine 10mg) is an antihistamine, blocking H1 receptor

Sudafed PE (Phenylephrine HCl 10mg) - selective a-adrenoreceptor agonist. constrict blood vessel and therefore less leak + nasal secretion.

Lastly, Actifed (Pseudoephedrine HCl 60mg) - a drug that is now replaced by phenylephrine. It stimulates NA release which acts at the a-adrenoreceptor like phenylephrine except that its not a-receptor specific, therefore it tends to hav more side effects eg. drowsiness. My dad recommended this drug cos its more potent than phenylephrine. The reason being, Phenylephrine is metabolised by MAO in GIT and Liver which significantly reduces its bioavailability. While Wiki-ing online, I found out that pseudoephedrine is a precursor for methamphetamine (a psychoactive substance that is often abused and sometimes referred to as speed) and hence the reason it has been taken off the counter in many countries. In Australia 2007, Gov is considering banning all products containing Pseudoephedrine.

And here it is, sitting in my cupboard so innocently

The May Project

2008-05-31T19:54:00.007+10:00

Life has been stressful this yr, and after my occasional down times, I decided to monitor my daily mood for 1 month to see whether there is a pattern to it.

heres the graph

From the data, I couldn't come into any conclusion regarding the pattern

Even weekends varied from each other depending on whether I did anything productive.

When looking at the date individually, I'm largely affected by the days with clinics and the mood could spike either way

Lastly I need to come up with a better way to analyse this cos what I found out was...

that life is the sum of glorious and disappointing moments

At the end of the day, its very hard to assess my mood with extremely shit morning and an inspirational afternoon. Do I give an ok for that day?

There is no pattern. Mood fluctuated a lot so I dun tend to stay depressed for long which is a ++